Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
When the blazing sun is gone
When he nothing shines upon
Then you show your little light
Twinkle twinkle all the night
Then the traveller in the dark
Thanks you for your tiny spark
He could not see which way to go
If you did not twinkle so
In the dark blue sky you keep
And often through my curtains peep
For you never shut your eye
Till the sun is in the sky
As your bright and tiny spark
Lights the traveller in the dark
Though I know not what you are
Twinkle twinkle little star
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
the mirror crackd from side to side...
The mirror crackd from side to side…
Rapunzel…
Lear…cordelia…
The hair for the chain…
The watch for the comb…
I had a dream…
Once upon a time…
A girl lived in black and white…
A swordsman…
And she was on a mission…
To avenge her master…
She was sleeping…
And then awoke…
To a strange world…
Where the dream had shifted…
Her perceptions…
Senses confused…
Distorted…
Emotions, thoughts, incongruent…
From memory…
Idol race
She was no longer in black and white…
Her hair was no longer long…
Her eyes were no longer black…
The glass was cracked…
The jewel in her watch…
Was switched…
Yet revenge was in her heart…
Still…
The timing…
Delayed…
How to deal with it?
She was in a surreal…
Reality of fairy tale…
The princess…
In a moment of envy…
Trapped in a world of mosaic…
Yet longed for black and white…
And the exchange…
Unwillingly forced…
Or so she thought!
So she meticulously,
Swapped the ruby into her silver watch,
for the blue star into the gold watch.
It was the sign, though her voice
Was no longer hers.
Rebellion in the heart.
And then,
At the moment of fateful opportunity…
To sink the dagger into the enemy…
She realized…
That of her own volition…
The sword was double-edged…
And it was sharp to cut the hand that wore the watch…
And clean to gouge the eye that betrayed her senses…
And the enemy…
Was defeated…
The monster within…
Surrender…
Sam…son…
Redbeard’s heart…
And then I awoke.
To this current reality in which I tell you this story.
Dreams…
And still I remember…
The warrior…
The princess…
The betrayed…
The vengeful…
All swallowed up…
By the immortal,
Eternal,
Lover of my soul. Lord I ace
Who will lead me home.
Beyond all the struggles.
And so, I wait…
And I wade…
Though time
Waits for no man…
I am not bound,
By chronos,
Or distorted vision,
But only by The word.
Sharp and free.
Salvation. Remember. Ideal
Rapunzel…
Lear…cordelia…
The hair for the chain…
The watch for the comb…
I had a dream…
Once upon a time…
A girl lived in black and white…
A swordsman…
And she was on a mission…
To avenge her master…
She was sleeping…
And then awoke…
To a strange world…
Where the dream had shifted…
Her perceptions…
Senses confused…
Distorted…
Emotions, thoughts, incongruent…
From memory…
Idol race
She was no longer in black and white…
Her hair was no longer long…
Her eyes were no longer black…
The glass was cracked…
The jewel in her watch…
Was switched…
Yet revenge was in her heart…
Still…
The timing…
Delayed…
How to deal with it?
She was in a surreal…
Reality of fairy tale…
The princess…
In a moment of envy…
Trapped in a world of mosaic…
Yet longed for black and white…
And the exchange…
Unwillingly forced…
Or so she thought!
So she meticulously,
Swapped the ruby into her silver watch,
for the blue star into the gold watch.
It was the sign, though her voice
Was no longer hers.
Rebellion in the heart.
And then,
At the moment of fateful opportunity…
To sink the dagger into the enemy…
She realized…
That of her own volition…
The sword was double-edged…
And it was sharp to cut the hand that wore the watch…
And clean to gouge the eye that betrayed her senses…
And the enemy…
Was defeated…
The monster within…
Surrender…
Sam…son…
Redbeard’s heart…
And then I awoke.
To this current reality in which I tell you this story.
Dreams…
And still I remember…
The warrior…
The princess…
The betrayed…
The vengeful…
All swallowed up…
By the immortal,
Eternal,
Lover of my soul. Lord I ace
Who will lead me home.
Beyond all the struggles.
And so, I wait…
And I wade…
Though time
Waits for no man…
I am not bound,
By chronos,
Or distorted vision,
But only by The word.
Sharp and free.
Salvation. Remember. Ideal
journeys
Have you been on a nice beach holiday?
Have you been to the largest shopping centre in the modern metropolis?
Have you ever traveled to far away strange exotic places?
Have you ever traveled to the corners of the globe?
Have you ever traveled to the middle of the earth’s core?
Have you flown to the next galaxy?
Have you been to the next suburb in your city?
Have you been to the bad side of town?
Have you knocked on your neighbour’s door?
Have you visited the local orphanage or nursing home or the homeless shelter?
Have you ever stepped into the shoes of another person?
Have you visited a church in a different culture and worshipped in a different language?
Some people have frequent flyer points that run into the millions.
Some people have never been outside a 5km radius from their house.
Some people have never flown in an airplane.
Some people have never ridden a bicycle.
Some people have never seen snow.
Some people have never seen a car.
Some people have walked thousands of kilometers.
Some people live in high altitudes.
Some people live on land that is reclaimed from the sea.
In this Journey called Life, I have been blessed to go on many sojourns.
Many external journeys traverse the 3 dimensional space of length, width, height, that measures distance and even the 4 dimensional, which is Time.
Yet there is another journey, an internal, an unseen spiritual seeking. A pursuit, a discovery, an adventure, which is known only to me in my heart. The pilgrim’s progress.
For some people, they spend lots of effort, money and time going on external journeys. Yet there is very little movement in their internal journey.
There are people who have rarely stepped out of the physical domains that they inhabit, yet those enclosures cannot limit their soaring spiritual travails which bring them to beautiful faraway places outside the realms of space and time. Seeking the eternal.
There is someone who has traveled from heaven to earth. He has been everywhere, from the beginning of time to the end of time. He is a space traveler, time traveler, dream traveler, even been to Hell and back literally! Yet this great avid explorer chooses to come and live in my heart. It doesn’t matter where you have been. If you will let him in, Jesus will lead you on a journey that surpasses all other journeys…this is the way of victorious Life, conquering death and sin, because Jesus is the way, the truth and the life.
Ecclesiastes 1, Jonah, Psalm 139, Isaiah 43, Luke 13:22-30, John 13:33-16:33, Acts 1:7-11, 2 Cor 12:1-5, Rev 3:20-22, Rev 21 & 22.
So, where are you going?
Have you been to the largest shopping centre in the modern metropolis?
Have you ever traveled to far away strange exotic places?
Have you ever traveled to the corners of the globe?
Have you ever traveled to the middle of the earth’s core?
Have you flown to the next galaxy?
Have you been to the next suburb in your city?
Have you been to the bad side of town?
Have you knocked on your neighbour’s door?
Have you visited the local orphanage or nursing home or the homeless shelter?
Have you ever stepped into the shoes of another person?
Have you visited a church in a different culture and worshipped in a different language?
Some people have frequent flyer points that run into the millions.
Some people have never been outside a 5km radius from their house.
Some people have never flown in an airplane.
Some people have never ridden a bicycle.
Some people have never seen snow.
Some people have never seen a car.
Some people have walked thousands of kilometers.
Some people live in high altitudes.
Some people live on land that is reclaimed from the sea.
In this Journey called Life, I have been blessed to go on many sojourns.
Many external journeys traverse the 3 dimensional space of length, width, height, that measures distance and even the 4 dimensional, which is Time.
Yet there is another journey, an internal, an unseen spiritual seeking. A pursuit, a discovery, an adventure, which is known only to me in my heart. The pilgrim’s progress.
For some people, they spend lots of effort, money and time going on external journeys. Yet there is very little movement in their internal journey.
There are people who have rarely stepped out of the physical domains that they inhabit, yet those enclosures cannot limit their soaring spiritual travails which bring them to beautiful faraway places outside the realms of space and time. Seeking the eternal.
There is someone who has traveled from heaven to earth. He has been everywhere, from the beginning of time to the end of time. He is a space traveler, time traveler, dream traveler, even been to Hell and back literally! Yet this great avid explorer chooses to come and live in my heart. It doesn’t matter where you have been. If you will let him in, Jesus will lead you on a journey that surpasses all other journeys…this is the way of victorious Life, conquering death and sin, because Jesus is the way, the truth and the life.
Ecclesiastes 1, Jonah, Psalm 139, Isaiah 43, Luke 13:22-30, John 13:33-16:33, Acts 1:7-11, 2 Cor 12:1-5, Rev 3:20-22, Rev 21 & 22.
So, where are you going?
Riddle
A Riddle of life and death.
It is not what you do or don’t do. It is knowing the right answer.
I have disobeyed like Jonah hundreds of times.
I have despaired like Elijah thousands of times.
I have doubted like Thomas tens of thousands of times.
I have denied Jesus like Peter millions of times.
Who am I?
I am the worst of sinners.
I have murdered, stolen, slandered, deceived, lusted, envied, hated and rebelled.
And even if I haven’t, I fail the perfect standard of God’s law just by being self-centred.
I know I deserve death.
But, despite my failures, my weaknesses and my sin, he loves me. I know that I cannot live by my own standards that do not measure up to the perfect standard of God. And because I realise that I am unworthy, he made a way for me. He paid the price for me.
I am saved by grace. And I am thankful.
My name is Grace and I know Jesus. He is my God. And so much more. He is Life, my best friend, my everything.
I live by the blood that Jesus poured out for me on the cross;
Therefore I lay down my life and take up my cross to follow him.
This is the paradox of being a follower of Christ Jesus.
This is faith in the love that transcends all understanding.
Love that was willing to die for a sinner just like me and just like you.
Faith in the resurrection power of the only man who conquered death.
Jesus of Nazareth.
The only perfect man who claimed that he is God.
Do you believe? Do you want to believe?
He does not say that he knows the truth.
He says that he IS the Truth.
I believe what he says is true.
I believe that he is Truth.
And Righteousness is by faith alone.
I am not perfect, but I know who has made me righteous.
Do you know him?
Do you want to know my Jesus?
I pray that you will… because I believe in miracles.
It is not what you do or don’t do. It is knowing the right answer.
I have disobeyed like Jonah hundreds of times.
I have despaired like Elijah thousands of times.
I have doubted like Thomas tens of thousands of times.
I have denied Jesus like Peter millions of times.
Who am I?
I am the worst of sinners.
I have murdered, stolen, slandered, deceived, lusted, envied, hated and rebelled.
And even if I haven’t, I fail the perfect standard of God’s law just by being self-centred.
I know I deserve death.
But, despite my failures, my weaknesses and my sin, he loves me. I know that I cannot live by my own standards that do not measure up to the perfect standard of God. And because I realise that I am unworthy, he made a way for me. He paid the price for me.
I am saved by grace. And I am thankful.
My name is Grace and I know Jesus. He is my God. And so much more. He is Life, my best friend, my everything.
I live by the blood that Jesus poured out for me on the cross;
Therefore I lay down my life and take up my cross to follow him.
This is the paradox of being a follower of Christ Jesus.
This is faith in the love that transcends all understanding.
Love that was willing to die for a sinner just like me and just like you.
Faith in the resurrection power of the only man who conquered death.
Jesus of Nazareth.
The only perfect man who claimed that he is God.
Do you believe? Do you want to believe?
He does not say that he knows the truth.
He says that he IS the Truth.
I believe what he says is true.
I believe that he is Truth.
And Righteousness is by faith alone.
I am not perfect, but I know who has made me righteous.
Do you know him?
Do you want to know my Jesus?
I pray that you will… because I believe in miracles.
imagination
Imagination…
Is both a curse and a blessing.
Why curse? Because it is torture and anguish to think and feel things that do not exist in the ordinary, in the natural, but is a possibility that you can conceive beyond the physical.
When you can imagine the most delicate suffering and pain, or the horrors of the unknown yet perceived in your other senses. Of evil and the furthermost nether point imaginable on the scale that divides holiness from the unholy and the depths of the abyss where wretchedness, chaos and perdition reign kingless.
Why blessing? Because it is to soar beyond the mundane, to touch the heights of glory and taste strange wonders that are too marvellous to describe. Of beauty that takes your breath away and you wish that you did not have to breathe anymore on this damaged earth. To see the eternal life that will exist and exists even right now, although on a different plane that is hidden from others with lesser imaginations.
I am prone to hyperbole and the numinous. Forgive me if what I say makes little sense. In a sense you are safe, and in another sense, you are pitiable.
I used to envy those who went on their merry little ways everyday, doing their ordinary tasks with cheer and fortitude. Then I realised that my imagination allowed me a glimpse of the bliss that is to come, and I am thankful for revelation and favour. Because I know there is hope that surpasses all understanding, above all the brokenness that you and I can see in this world.
Despite the fear and turmoil that is stirred up by my imagination, the gruesome and pessimistic is but a foreshadowing of what will be even more terrible on the Day of Judgement: the eternal separation of all that is good from all that is not. And if this imagination that seizes with trembling and sheer terror causes me to run to the shelter of the only one who can save me, then it has done me the greatest good.
Many who cannot see the danger perish. Lured and deceived, they are secure on quicksand. If you believe that you do not need rescuing, then you can’t be rescued involuntarily.
My imagination is no fiction though many dismiss it as such. There may well be more truth in the immeasurable and the infinite than in the describable quantities that are limited to what is known and understood by mortals. I believe.
Faith is the substance of unseen things hoped for that are yet to come.
It is not merely ethereal, it will be more real than the things that we rely on our 5 senses to perceive right here right now, in my imagined future reality there and then. Can’t you imagine it? I pray that you will.
Do not walk by the false blinding light of this world any longer. Seek the true source and the love that paid the ultimate sacrifice for you. Jesus said, “Come, follow me.” Perfect love casts out all fear.
He has put eternity in the hearts of all people. Don’t be short-changed.
In my imagination, there exists no more doubt or argument, no ‘buts’, only amazed awe, “Amen!”.
My perfect God is so good. Thank you Jesus. I love you…because you first loved me.
Is both a curse and a blessing.
Why curse? Because it is torture and anguish to think and feel things that do not exist in the ordinary, in the natural, but is a possibility that you can conceive beyond the physical.
When you can imagine the most delicate suffering and pain, or the horrors of the unknown yet perceived in your other senses. Of evil and the furthermost nether point imaginable on the scale that divides holiness from the unholy and the depths of the abyss where wretchedness, chaos and perdition reign kingless.
Why blessing? Because it is to soar beyond the mundane, to touch the heights of glory and taste strange wonders that are too marvellous to describe. Of beauty that takes your breath away and you wish that you did not have to breathe anymore on this damaged earth. To see the eternal life that will exist and exists even right now, although on a different plane that is hidden from others with lesser imaginations.
I am prone to hyperbole and the numinous. Forgive me if what I say makes little sense. In a sense you are safe, and in another sense, you are pitiable.
I used to envy those who went on their merry little ways everyday, doing their ordinary tasks with cheer and fortitude. Then I realised that my imagination allowed me a glimpse of the bliss that is to come, and I am thankful for revelation and favour. Because I know there is hope that surpasses all understanding, above all the brokenness that you and I can see in this world.
Despite the fear and turmoil that is stirred up by my imagination, the gruesome and pessimistic is but a foreshadowing of what will be even more terrible on the Day of Judgement: the eternal separation of all that is good from all that is not. And if this imagination that seizes with trembling and sheer terror causes me to run to the shelter of the only one who can save me, then it has done me the greatest good.
Many who cannot see the danger perish. Lured and deceived, they are secure on quicksand. If you believe that you do not need rescuing, then you can’t be rescued involuntarily.
My imagination is no fiction though many dismiss it as such. There may well be more truth in the immeasurable and the infinite than in the describable quantities that are limited to what is known and understood by mortals. I believe.
Faith is the substance of unseen things hoped for that are yet to come.
It is not merely ethereal, it will be more real than the things that we rely on our 5 senses to perceive right here right now, in my imagined future reality there and then. Can’t you imagine it? I pray that you will.
Do not walk by the false blinding light of this world any longer. Seek the true source and the love that paid the ultimate sacrifice for you. Jesus said, “Come, follow me.” Perfect love casts out all fear.
He has put eternity in the hearts of all people. Don’t be short-changed.
In my imagination, there exists no more doubt or argument, no ‘buts’, only amazed awe, “Amen!”.
My perfect God is so good. Thank you Jesus. I love you…because you first loved me.
Tuesday's child?
Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.
The Wanderer/Wonderer
To all the nomads, runaways, sojourners and pilgrims.
Put down roots?
“A rolling stone gathers no moss”
I’ve been told.
But whether moss is a good thing
(or not)
is a matter of interpretation?
Put down roots?
Stay put in one place
Actually start finding
My niche, my corner
My spot in the sun
Seen the sights
Heard the sounds
Where’s home?
Where’s my base?
A thousand names,
A million faces,
Who’s my neighbour?
Who am I a neighbour to?
Put down roots?
Beyond moss…
Will this seed grow?
Shall this sapling mature?
Can this tree flourish?
I don’t know (I… don’t know)
Where on earth (Where? On earth?)
Call me…home. (Call me, home)
Put down roots?
“A rolling stone gathers no moss”
I’ve been told.
But whether moss is a good thing
(or not)
is a matter of interpretation?
Put down roots?
Stay put in one place
Actually start finding
My niche, my corner
My spot in the sun
Seen the sights
Heard the sounds
Where’s home?
Where’s my base?
A thousand names,
A million faces,
Who’s my neighbour?
Who am I a neighbour to?
Put down roots?
Beyond moss…
Will this seed grow?
Shall this sapling mature?
Can this tree flourish?
I don’t know (I… don’t know)
Where on earth (Where? On earth?)
Call me…home. (Call me, home)
of ducks and frogs
Of ugliness and beauty, identity and transformation.
My version of 2 fairytales combined…
There was once a princess, and a frog.
There was also a cygnet, and a duckling.
They were all sleeping beauty.
Inside all these different identities, something inside, lost in the forest of thorns.
How many frogs have you experienced in your life?
For some Chinese, the closest they’ve come to frogs is a nice stir-fry with soy sauce and ginger!
For some sciency people, it’s when they’ve dissected their amphibious friends in the name of research and intellectual curiosity.
For many it’s a queasy feeling when they see it or touch it.
Why was the frog chosen as the epitome of ugly? It’s not as ugly as some other animals around, but I guess that’s a subjective evaluation. But some people shy away from confronting their inner frogs.
So do you think the princess was brave and noble in kissing the frog? But she was doing it from a selfish interest right? To get her golden ball back. I don’t remember the exact details of the story, as there are several versions to it.
The ugly duckling story is slightly similar in that it has the theme of ugliness and beauty and mistaken identity. And revelation that the mistaken identity was in actual fact the mistake not in the ugly one, but the “normal” ones in the crowd, in not being able to see beyond their limited understanding.
There’s also a story of an eaglet hatched among chickens that never realized that it was more than a flightless chicken.
How pitiful. To not realize your calling, your origins, your identity, your beauty, your abilities.
But what if I’m a frog that’s been kissed by a princess and remained a frog? What went wrong? Am I a swan that wants to be a duck? Or did I look for the wrong princess? And maybe the princess is wondering too if she kissed the right frog. Or maybe the swan still thinks like a duck, and wants to be a duck in the midst of its new swan friends. So many question marks.
Shrek is such a popular funny retelling of the old story because it gives it a new twist. The ogre doesn’t turn into a handsome prince. The princess who was ugly in the night and pretty in the day transforms not into the conventional beauty of her daytime, but instead, the green plump evening version.
But that’s the whole beauty of it. She became like the one who loved her. And so they became more compatible and more suited for each other, because that’s where the true love was. The true identity. The true beauty.
Not in physical form of a convention that the society perceives. Not even in an ideal of the individual’s own desires or wishes. But because the one who was considered ugly, either by themselves or by others around them, is no longer limited or diminished or embarrassed or sleeping, but because they are set free, to live, to love, awakened by the one who loved them and showed them the truth about themselves. That it is not how so many others have looked at us, with judgemental condemning eyes, but the transforming power when seen with eyes of love and acceptance. Because someone dared to brave the thorns to fight for the beauty that they knew was waiting inside.
So maybe it’s not the frog turning into a prince, but the princess turning into a frog. Or maybe the swan didn’t need to become a duck, because it was never intended to be one by her Creator. So we all learn day by day, to renew our vision, and strip away our misunderstood selves to reveal the true identities. And help each other along the way to see the beauty within, and the beauty around us, and the beauty of the good news of the saving grace of God. The eternal hero.
And it’s such a good story, though I’m still only in the middle of it. I know it’s got a fantastic ending, because the Author of my life is the best storyteller in the business.
P.S. Anyone ever wondered about the strange coincidence between the word “quack” meaning both an imposter and also the sound made by ducks?
Ah, the random thoughts of a Word-lover!
My version of 2 fairytales combined…
There was once a princess, and a frog.
There was also a cygnet, and a duckling.
They were all sleeping beauty.
Inside all these different identities, something inside, lost in the forest of thorns.
How many frogs have you experienced in your life?
For some Chinese, the closest they’ve come to frogs is a nice stir-fry with soy sauce and ginger!
For some sciency people, it’s when they’ve dissected their amphibious friends in the name of research and intellectual curiosity.
For many it’s a queasy feeling when they see it or touch it.
Why was the frog chosen as the epitome of ugly? It’s not as ugly as some other animals around, but I guess that’s a subjective evaluation. But some people shy away from confronting their inner frogs.
So do you think the princess was brave and noble in kissing the frog? But she was doing it from a selfish interest right? To get her golden ball back. I don’t remember the exact details of the story, as there are several versions to it.
The ugly duckling story is slightly similar in that it has the theme of ugliness and beauty and mistaken identity. And revelation that the mistaken identity was in actual fact the mistake not in the ugly one, but the “normal” ones in the crowd, in not being able to see beyond their limited understanding.
There’s also a story of an eaglet hatched among chickens that never realized that it was more than a flightless chicken.
How pitiful. To not realize your calling, your origins, your identity, your beauty, your abilities.
But what if I’m a frog that’s been kissed by a princess and remained a frog? What went wrong? Am I a swan that wants to be a duck? Or did I look for the wrong princess? And maybe the princess is wondering too if she kissed the right frog. Or maybe the swan still thinks like a duck, and wants to be a duck in the midst of its new swan friends. So many question marks.
Shrek is such a popular funny retelling of the old story because it gives it a new twist. The ogre doesn’t turn into a handsome prince. The princess who was ugly in the night and pretty in the day transforms not into the conventional beauty of her daytime, but instead, the green plump evening version.
But that’s the whole beauty of it. She became like the one who loved her. And so they became more compatible and more suited for each other, because that’s where the true love was. The true identity. The true beauty.
Not in physical form of a convention that the society perceives. Not even in an ideal of the individual’s own desires or wishes. But because the one who was considered ugly, either by themselves or by others around them, is no longer limited or diminished or embarrassed or sleeping, but because they are set free, to live, to love, awakened by the one who loved them and showed them the truth about themselves. That it is not how so many others have looked at us, with judgemental condemning eyes, but the transforming power when seen with eyes of love and acceptance. Because someone dared to brave the thorns to fight for the beauty that they knew was waiting inside.
So maybe it’s not the frog turning into a prince, but the princess turning into a frog. Or maybe the swan didn’t need to become a duck, because it was never intended to be one by her Creator. So we all learn day by day, to renew our vision, and strip away our misunderstood selves to reveal the true identities. And help each other along the way to see the beauty within, and the beauty around us, and the beauty of the good news of the saving grace of God. The eternal hero.
And it’s such a good story, though I’m still only in the middle of it. I know it’s got a fantastic ending, because the Author of my life is the best storyteller in the business.
P.S. Anyone ever wondered about the strange coincidence between the word “quack” meaning both an imposter and also the sound made by ducks?
Ah, the random thoughts of a Word-lover!
i want you...
I want you…
No, I want just me.
Me, myself and I. My dreams, my desires, my ambitions.
Fight me if you want me.
Love is not getting what I want.
It’s giving you what you want.
Even if giving you what you want hurts me.
I surrender. Have your own way.
I won!
But why do I feel so lost even after getting what I want?
He lost the fight.
But this gentleman…
He won my heart.
Where can I find him? So close yet so far. Does he still want me now that I have rejected him? Oh God, how I hurt him, I’m so sorry.
You can have me.
Because it’s not what I want, it’s what you want.
Your way, all the way.
I surrender.
Your love conquers my fear.
Thank you for wanting me and loving me. I’m unworthy, but still I will say, “I want your love, my love”
I love you because you first loved me.
Wading…because I believe the stars in the sky are promised to me. I know now that my God is so so good.
I’m not demanding, because how can I? I’m just hoping, praying, and asking. Again and again. Because I know you have a heart, tender and true. God opened the eyes of my heart. To see you.
Just wanting you…and counting the stars in the sky. Though they twinkle silently, yet will I seek the voice of Love.
No, I want just me.
Me, myself and I. My dreams, my desires, my ambitions.
Fight me if you want me.
Love is not getting what I want.
It’s giving you what you want.
Even if giving you what you want hurts me.
I surrender. Have your own way.
I won!
But why do I feel so lost even after getting what I want?
He lost the fight.
But this gentleman…
He won my heart.
Where can I find him? So close yet so far. Does he still want me now that I have rejected him? Oh God, how I hurt him, I’m so sorry.
You can have me.
Because it’s not what I want, it’s what you want.
Your way, all the way.
I surrender.
Your love conquers my fear.
Thank you for wanting me and loving me. I’m unworthy, but still I will say, “I want your love, my love”
I love you because you first loved me.
Wading…because I believe the stars in the sky are promised to me. I know now that my God is so so good.
I’m not demanding, because how can I? I’m just hoping, praying, and asking. Again and again. Because I know you have a heart, tender and true. God opened the eyes of my heart. To see you.
Just wanting you…and counting the stars in the sky. Though they twinkle silently, yet will I seek the voice of Love.
crux australis
Aloof, a haughty heart Ambition sought,
Paid homage at Apollo’s glowing altar;
Though light her steps, hunting’s perdition-fraught:
Beware Dian, chaste huntress, lest you falter!
As Dusk befalls, sun-maid’s shine enchants the knight,
Dream whimsy makes pursuer pursued instead;
Alas! She falls, ensnared by his charm’s delight,
Begs “Mercy”! Gallant promise made, chase is stayed.
At Dawn’s advance, the false god-spell is broke,
Delusion’s dashed; Elusive stardom’s myth!
Fresh Hope! She seeks - the evenstar who woke
Her slumb’ring passions - Love to share life with.
The world goes round; though north and south diverge,
May star-crossed lovers’ paths still reconverge.
Paid homage at Apollo’s glowing altar;
Though light her steps, hunting’s perdition-fraught:
Beware Dian, chaste huntress, lest you falter!
As Dusk befalls, sun-maid’s shine enchants the knight,
Dream whimsy makes pursuer pursued instead;
Alas! She falls, ensnared by his charm’s delight,
Begs “Mercy”! Gallant promise made, chase is stayed.
At Dawn’s advance, the false god-spell is broke,
Delusion’s dashed; Elusive stardom’s myth!
Fresh Hope! She seeks - the evenstar who woke
Her slumb’ring passions - Love to share life with.
The world goes round; though north and south diverge,
May star-crossed lovers’ paths still reconverge.
By the sea
By the sea…
Another story, Wade.
If you haven’t realized by now, I love stories. Telling them, and hearing them. Collecting stories. Learning and teaching. Wisdom, beauty, truth and love. Humorous and poignant. Simple or deep.
There was once a girl who liked going to the beach, because she liked the sea. Her favourite activity at the beach was picking seashells. She liked running on the beach as well, and sometimes she would skip along and sing. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t hear herself because the waves were so loud.
One day, she got an invitation to go fishing. That was exciting, and she was eager to land her first fish, didn’t matter how big or small it was. Actually, she didn’t even mind if she didn’t catch any of her own fish, she was content just to see how the experts did it, and celebrate their achievements and maybe learn some tips from them. She folded up her jeans and waded in. She didn’t go very far before she noticed that some weight was pulling on the hem of one leg of her folded-up jeans. Probably some seaweed, she thought. So she did a bit of a jiggle, and hoped that whatever it was would drift away. She was quite engrossed in her fishing and didn’t realize that the thing was still there. She panicked a bit then, and checked to see that it wasn’t a jellyfish or something dangerous. Guess what she found?
It was a necklace of glass beads, hooked to her jeans. They looked like diamonds, but surely they couldn’t be diamonds. So she unhooked the necklace, and threw it out to sea. And she went on fishing. She caught one fish, which was very exhilarating. But occasionally she wondered where the necklace she had thrown away had gone. Had someone else who liked collecting trinkets on the beach find it? And would they consider the necklace a treasure to add to their collection? And she felt a bit sad, but didn’t let it bother her too much, because it would be nice for someone else more deserving to be happy and enjoy the surprise of discovering the necklace.
But when she had gone further down the shore, she realized that there was something sparkling on the sand a distance away. Could it be? Was it the necklace? She wasn’t sure if she should get out of the water to have a closer look or to continue fishing. What was more important? She hated making difficult decisions like that.
I think at the moment, she’s still in the water, fishing. But I think she’s not very focused, although she knows that it is important to be whole-hearted in everything we want to do well. I really hope that she will make the right choice. I’m sure you do too.
So my dear reader, say a little prayer for our little fishergirl, and may her Father who loves her help her to find the joy and peace in whatever she does to honour him. Only time will tell, whether she finds that necklace again, or not. Maybe that necklace was meant to be hers after all, and someday she can still wear it as she goes fishing, but even if the sparkle on the sand is just some bits of glass, maybe it’s time for her to rest a little and collect seashells on the shore. And maybe, some of her singing will bring a little encouragement to the passers-by who come close enough to hear the song, though the waves continue to crash against the shore.
Another story, Wade.
If you haven’t realized by now, I love stories. Telling them, and hearing them. Collecting stories. Learning and teaching. Wisdom, beauty, truth and love. Humorous and poignant. Simple or deep.
There was once a girl who liked going to the beach, because she liked the sea. Her favourite activity at the beach was picking seashells. She liked running on the beach as well, and sometimes she would skip along and sing. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t hear herself because the waves were so loud.
One day, she got an invitation to go fishing. That was exciting, and she was eager to land her first fish, didn’t matter how big or small it was. Actually, she didn’t even mind if she didn’t catch any of her own fish, she was content just to see how the experts did it, and celebrate their achievements and maybe learn some tips from them. She folded up her jeans and waded in. She didn’t go very far before she noticed that some weight was pulling on the hem of one leg of her folded-up jeans. Probably some seaweed, she thought. So she did a bit of a jiggle, and hoped that whatever it was would drift away. She was quite engrossed in her fishing and didn’t realize that the thing was still there. She panicked a bit then, and checked to see that it wasn’t a jellyfish or something dangerous. Guess what she found?
It was a necklace of glass beads, hooked to her jeans. They looked like diamonds, but surely they couldn’t be diamonds. So she unhooked the necklace, and threw it out to sea. And she went on fishing. She caught one fish, which was very exhilarating. But occasionally she wondered where the necklace she had thrown away had gone. Had someone else who liked collecting trinkets on the beach find it? And would they consider the necklace a treasure to add to their collection? And she felt a bit sad, but didn’t let it bother her too much, because it would be nice for someone else more deserving to be happy and enjoy the surprise of discovering the necklace.
But when she had gone further down the shore, she realized that there was something sparkling on the sand a distance away. Could it be? Was it the necklace? She wasn’t sure if she should get out of the water to have a closer look or to continue fishing. What was more important? She hated making difficult decisions like that.
I think at the moment, she’s still in the water, fishing. But I think she’s not very focused, although she knows that it is important to be whole-hearted in everything we want to do well. I really hope that she will make the right choice. I’m sure you do too.
So my dear reader, say a little prayer for our little fishergirl, and may her Father who loves her help her to find the joy and peace in whatever she does to honour him. Only time will tell, whether she finds that necklace again, or not. Maybe that necklace was meant to be hers after all, and someday she can still wear it as she goes fishing, but even if the sparkle on the sand is just some bits of glass, maybe it’s time for her to rest a little and collect seashells on the shore. And maybe, some of her singing will bring a little encouragement to the passers-by who come close enough to hear the song, though the waves continue to crash against the shore.
She looked like a suicide bomber
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.
But if it dies…
She looked like a suicide bomber. A terrorist.
Some around her, with sharper eyes than most, noticed her death wish.
They questioned her…
Are you carrying a bomb? Why are you here? Who sent you?
The disaster and crisis management team. The experts.
She allayed their fears.
I don’t carry bombs. I don’t wish to hurt others around me.
Au contraire, mon ami.
I am on a mission to die. Yes, that is true. Just me and my sharp knife.
But my methods are not the methods you fear, though the world fears death.
I die slowly…drop by drop.
The blood I shed is only my own.
They relaxed. Destruction minimization. The contagion contained.
That’s OK then. They replied. You can do what you want with yourself, as long as it does not impact others around you. You are free to do what you want. We are a liberal democratic country. We don’t like to mix religion with our constitution, but you are more than welcome to kill yourself in your despair and lack of direction. That is your right, we grant you that.
Just as long as it does not touch us.
Our apathy must not be threatened by your radical extremism. We don’t like passionate killers.
So she smiled. Her heart was crying, but she smiled, because that was what the world asked of her. And quietly, she killed. The body that was not hers, but her Master’s. She understood…unless the seed falls to the ground…but, in the death of the seed…
And as she took her own life, she was careful. As careful as she could be, in her limited capacity to care and love. She thought she did her very best not to splash or splatter her antiseptic environment with her blood.
But I’m sorry. My blood is messier than I expected. Maybe it is magnetic, seeking others with blood that attracts like to like. I don’t know. All I know is, when I die, my death seeps, and in the dying, the soil is nourished, and my last prayer, is for the seed of hope to grow. And that the lifeblood of my Master, the ultimate non-terrorist, will win. Perfect love casts out all fear. So, love your neighbour as yourself, mon petit Coeur.
“I die for you”… the servant King.
Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.
But if it dies…
She looked like a suicide bomber. A terrorist.
Some around her, with sharper eyes than most, noticed her death wish.
They questioned her…
Are you carrying a bomb? Why are you here? Who sent you?
The disaster and crisis management team. The experts.
She allayed their fears.
I don’t carry bombs. I don’t wish to hurt others around me.
Au contraire, mon ami.
I am on a mission to die. Yes, that is true. Just me and my sharp knife.
But my methods are not the methods you fear, though the world fears death.
I die slowly…drop by drop.
The blood I shed is only my own.
They relaxed. Destruction minimization. The contagion contained.
That’s OK then. They replied. You can do what you want with yourself, as long as it does not impact others around you. You are free to do what you want. We are a liberal democratic country. We don’t like to mix religion with our constitution, but you are more than welcome to kill yourself in your despair and lack of direction. That is your right, we grant you that.
Just as long as it does not touch us.
Our apathy must not be threatened by your radical extremism. We don’t like passionate killers.
So she smiled. Her heart was crying, but she smiled, because that was what the world asked of her. And quietly, she killed. The body that was not hers, but her Master’s. She understood…unless the seed falls to the ground…but, in the death of the seed…
And as she took her own life, she was careful. As careful as she could be, in her limited capacity to care and love. She thought she did her very best not to splash or splatter her antiseptic environment with her blood.
But I’m sorry. My blood is messier than I expected. Maybe it is magnetic, seeking others with blood that attracts like to like. I don’t know. All I know is, when I die, my death seeps, and in the dying, the soil is nourished, and my last prayer, is for the seed of hope to grow. And that the lifeblood of my Master, the ultimate non-terrorist, will win. Perfect love casts out all fear. So, love your neighbour as yourself, mon petit Coeur.
“I die for you”… the servant King.
Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.
Terrifying beauty
Torturous inner chamber of a tormented mind
A.lien C.hangeling E.xterior
Subliminal submerged study
of suffering soul
Skin me.
Skin covers the me you don’t see.
This hideous membrane
Of pretence…of I’m OK,
I’m just like one of you.
NOT!
Sanitized insanity
Sacrilegious sanity
Sugar-coated Sarcophagus
What lies beneath?
The naked.
The raw.
The terrifying truth.
Perverted beauty.
Distorted reflection
Blood transfusion
Spirit transplantation
Heart regeneration
Renovation of the inner sanctum
Master healer
Master builder
Master potter
Beautiful Master, I seek your face.
Terrible beauty of you.
My sacred sacrifice
It’s true: he sacrificially loved me
Spirit breathe
I am plastic
elastic
Rebound ace
resurface
unbound, crown’d
resurrection phase
His image
See me
Through me
Transparent skin
To the heart within
Courage!
No more shame.
His fame.
Sacrificial life. Abraham’s knife.
Unrestrained giving. Plethora receiving.
Unlimited living.Beautifully terrifying.
A.lien C.hangeling E.xterior
Subliminal submerged study
of suffering soul
Skin me.
Skin covers the me you don’t see.
This hideous membrane
Of pretence…of I’m OK,
I’m just like one of you.
NOT!
Sanitized insanity
Sacrilegious sanity
Sugar-coated Sarcophagus
What lies beneath?
The naked.
The raw.
The terrifying truth.
Perverted beauty.
Distorted reflection
Blood transfusion
Spirit transplantation
Heart regeneration
Renovation of the inner sanctum
Master healer
Master builder
Master potter
Beautiful Master, I seek your face.
Terrible beauty of you.
My sacred sacrifice
It’s true: he sacrificially loved me
Spirit breathe
I am plastic
elastic
Rebound ace
resurface
unbound, crown’d
resurrection phase
His image
See me
Through me
Transparent skin
To the heart within
Courage!
No more shame.
His fame.
Sacrificial life. Abraham’s knife.
Unrestrained giving. Plethora receiving.
Unlimited living.Beautifully terrifying.
Wading
I wonder…
Where’s Wade?
Wandering in wilderness?
Walkabout?
Walking on water?
Warranted warnings within…Woe!
Whiff of wild weather without…Whoa!
Why, Wisdom?
What’s worthwhile?
Wintry warmth
Wedged wagon wheel
Warped window
Walled-up ward
Weevilly warehouse
Watered-down wine
Worthless wealth
Wan weed
Wilted wheat
Worm-ridden wood
Worrying wasp
Wounded wing
Worn weapons
Whiny warrior
Weak-willed woman
Wheezing widow
Whipped waif
Whimpering wench
Wanton whore
Wailing wall
Wrathful wraith
Wicked web
Wrecked world
Wasted welcome.
Welling, whelming waves
Wash away wetness, weir
We’re waging war with weakness
Waxing, waning,
Withstanding? Withdrawing? Winning?
Who’s worthy?
Weaning, winnowing, weighing
Wisps o’ willow or Will-o’-the-wisp?
When, Wade?
Weeks wend… (worsening woes)
Whispering wishing well
Will you, won’t you?
Wistfully wanting,
Wittingly wavering,
Wearily waiting.
Which way?
Winding…weaving…
Whither the wordless whirlwind’s whimsy?
…………………………...Wake us, Watchman!
Where’s Wade?
Wandering in wilderness?
Walkabout?
Walking on water?
Warranted warnings within…Woe!
Whiff of wild weather without…Whoa!
Why, Wisdom?
What’s worthwhile?
Wintry warmth
Wedged wagon wheel
Warped window
Walled-up ward
Weevilly warehouse
Watered-down wine
Worthless wealth
Wan weed
Wilted wheat
Worm-ridden wood
Worrying wasp
Wounded wing
Worn weapons
Whiny warrior
Weak-willed woman
Wheezing widow
Whipped waif
Whimpering wench
Wanton whore
Wailing wall
Wrathful wraith
Wicked web
Wrecked world
Wasted welcome.
Welling, whelming waves
Wash away wetness, weir
We’re waging war with weakness
Waxing, waning,
Withstanding? Withdrawing? Winning?
Who’s worthy?
Weaning, winnowing, weighing
Wisps o’ willow or Will-o’-the-wisp?
When, Wade?
Weeks wend… (worsening woes)
Whispering wishing well
Will you, won’t you?
Wistfully wanting,
Wittingly wavering,
Wearily waiting.
Which way?
Winding…weaving…
Whither the wordless whirlwind’s whimsy?
…………………………...Wake us, Watchman!
Monday, February 2, 2009
the wind-up clock
I have another story to tell…maybe this one’s harder to understand.
Once upon a time…there was a wind-up clock. (It’s my clock now, actually) It belonged to a lady, and she was very good at winding up the clock to make sure it worked properly. It seemed like a very good clock; it kept the correct time, and didn’t miss a beat. Sometimes however, she would wind it up so tightly that it would nearly break the springs. But she didn’t know that. She thought she was doing the best job that she could by utilising the clock to its maximum potential. Sometimes though, (whether accidentally or deliberately, I don’t know) she would shake the clock because she thought it was going too slow or too fast. At other times she would accidentally drop it. She’s only human after all.
So the clock kept on doing its job, ticking away and showing the time. At times it seemed that time stood still even though the ticking kept going. However, the clock got a bit erratic sometimes, and the owner got frustrated at the uncooperative clock, and was annoyed that it wasn’t doing what she wanted it to do. The owner thought that the clock was very ungrateful and unappreciative of all the things that she had done for it. She got angry and cursed it, and sometimes didn’t wind it up properly. At times she would stick it in the corner and not wind it up. But then later she would regret her actions because it was only a clock and she still loved her clock and thought that it should be given a second chance. It was not beyond repair, she thought. The clock just got quite confused and felt really unwell. It wished it could just stop working forever, and not have to tick anymore, regardless of how the woman treated it. Maybe that way, she would realise that she didn’t have control over it anymore. And the ticking went slower and slower.
One day, the clock maker came along and visited the lady. She started complaining in exasperation that the clock was not doing what she had hoped it would do. It was very erratic and unreliable and not living up to her expectations. She was very disappointed with the workmanship of the maker. So the clock maker took the clock home, and worked on it to see if it could be repaired. He took it apart and oiled it and gave everything a good polish and then assembled everything back together.
You’ve got to give credit where credit’s due. The clock maker really is a genius. I have the clock now, and even though it’s not the best clock that was ever made, I’m growing quite fond of it. It gets regular maintenance servicing from the maker. It doesn’t work exactly like those sleek modern expensive digital clocks. It’s a bit quirky, sometimes it’s not quite on-time, but I try to remember to wind it up every day, and adjust the dials to get it to show the time, approximately. I am learning to accept that clocks tick because we live in a world that is governed by time. And one day, time will stop, and we won’t need clocks anymore, wind-up, digital or otherwise. But till then, I will learn to accept this clock that I have, and use it the best I can. I can’t expect too much from it, but just appreciate what it was meant to do, and thank the maker that it wasn’t broken beyond repair when the previous owner had it.
Oh yeah, I’m glad to say too that the previous owner gave it to me willingly, although she sometimes still seems to think that she owns it when she talks about it. And then I have to remind my mother that I own the clock now, and not her. And I believe that the clock maker agrees with me that I’m a better custodian than my mom.
This story doesn’t have an ending yet, because the end will only come when the maker decides that the clock has ticked all the tocks that it was made for and its time is up, or when time-keeping is no longer necessary because we will all be resting with the clock maker in his house. And there’ll be no more tick-tocking then.
Maybe I’ll get to show you my wind-up clock someday. And to make the story even more complicated, I actually have two wind-up clocks! (but that’s a story for another time)
Once upon a time…there was a wind-up clock. (It’s my clock now, actually) It belonged to a lady, and she was very good at winding up the clock to make sure it worked properly. It seemed like a very good clock; it kept the correct time, and didn’t miss a beat. Sometimes however, she would wind it up so tightly that it would nearly break the springs. But she didn’t know that. She thought she was doing the best job that she could by utilising the clock to its maximum potential. Sometimes though, (whether accidentally or deliberately, I don’t know) she would shake the clock because she thought it was going too slow or too fast. At other times she would accidentally drop it. She’s only human after all.
So the clock kept on doing its job, ticking away and showing the time. At times it seemed that time stood still even though the ticking kept going. However, the clock got a bit erratic sometimes, and the owner got frustrated at the uncooperative clock, and was annoyed that it wasn’t doing what she wanted it to do. The owner thought that the clock was very ungrateful and unappreciative of all the things that she had done for it. She got angry and cursed it, and sometimes didn’t wind it up properly. At times she would stick it in the corner and not wind it up. But then later she would regret her actions because it was only a clock and she still loved her clock and thought that it should be given a second chance. It was not beyond repair, she thought. The clock just got quite confused and felt really unwell. It wished it could just stop working forever, and not have to tick anymore, regardless of how the woman treated it. Maybe that way, she would realise that she didn’t have control over it anymore. And the ticking went slower and slower.
One day, the clock maker came along and visited the lady. She started complaining in exasperation that the clock was not doing what she had hoped it would do. It was very erratic and unreliable and not living up to her expectations. She was very disappointed with the workmanship of the maker. So the clock maker took the clock home, and worked on it to see if it could be repaired. He took it apart and oiled it and gave everything a good polish and then assembled everything back together.
You’ve got to give credit where credit’s due. The clock maker really is a genius. I have the clock now, and even though it’s not the best clock that was ever made, I’m growing quite fond of it. It gets regular maintenance servicing from the maker. It doesn’t work exactly like those sleek modern expensive digital clocks. It’s a bit quirky, sometimes it’s not quite on-time, but I try to remember to wind it up every day, and adjust the dials to get it to show the time, approximately. I am learning to accept that clocks tick because we live in a world that is governed by time. And one day, time will stop, and we won’t need clocks anymore, wind-up, digital or otherwise. But till then, I will learn to accept this clock that I have, and use it the best I can. I can’t expect too much from it, but just appreciate what it was meant to do, and thank the maker that it wasn’t broken beyond repair when the previous owner had it.
Oh yeah, I’m glad to say too that the previous owner gave it to me willingly, although she sometimes still seems to think that she owns it when she talks about it. And then I have to remind my mother that I own the clock now, and not her. And I believe that the clock maker agrees with me that I’m a better custodian than my mom.
This story doesn’t have an ending yet, because the end will only come when the maker decides that the clock has ticked all the tocks that it was made for and its time is up, or when time-keeping is no longer necessary because we will all be resting with the clock maker in his house. And there’ll be no more tick-tocking then.
Maybe I’ll get to show you my wind-up clock someday. And to make the story even more complicated, I actually have two wind-up clocks! (but that’s a story for another time)
the monster
The Monster Within, and Without
John 21:15-25 &
John 10:1-18 &
Matthew 19:13-14, Mark 10:13-16, Luke 18:15-17
1 John 4, in particular v.18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
One of the most important insights one can have of oneself is to realise that there is a monster within. It’s much easier to recognise the monster without, be it the “ghouls” and “evil spirits” in the dark forest in the ancient times or the strange barbarians from beyond the sea or mountain, to the sex and violence in the secular mass media today or the terrorists from the other side of the fence in our global village.
We are, in essence, weak creatures of fear and blame and guilt.
It is a heart condition known as “sin”. The saying “Pride goes before a fall” is found in the book of Proverbs in the middle of the Bible, but it could just as well have been at the start of the Bible in Genesis, when the fall of Creation happened. (Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall Prov 16:18)
I always wonder at the many people who think that humans are, by nature, good. I am torn between the desire to laugh cynically and to cry earnestly at this pitiful self-deception. In my view, this very insidious untruth is attributable to human pride, plus a healthy dose of encouragement from the prince of lies. The worldly philosophies of liberalism and humanism are very wide-influencing in spreading this “gospel” of self-improvement and striving for the greater good, even perfection. Utopia is within reach; the future of this world is a more beautiful and better place. It even comes under the cover of the name “love”. It’s a warm and fuzzy “feel-good” emotion that seems to always “pet you on the back” and reminds us “you will succeed if you try hard enough”.
Another deceptive philosophy in our world today is the agnosticism/atheism school of thought. Yet interestingly, I find that many people who claim to be agnostic/atheist have substituted the worship of “god” with the worship of “science”!
I am learning from the Pauline epistles (or in plainspeak, letters from Paul in the New Testament) that it is more powerful to testify of the work of the Spirit in my life than to preach about the whats, hows and whys of doing or not doing something. And that is the principle in the old but wise adage of “Teach by showing, learn by doing”.
Pride is the hardest thing to admit to having. It is a thing called “Ego”. Most kids discover it very easily without having to be taught. It’s sometimes very easy to spot. Paul’s pride in his fine Jewish bloodline, education and achievements was very obviously Pride. So too we see that Mr Darcy in the famous novel “Pride and Prejudice” shares this malady. However, sometimes pride is less easily visible. The most timid person around can have pride and not realise it. One of the most profound learnings I have regarding pride is that it is really about “I” in the middle. When your focus is on yourself. Even things like your children can be an extension of that “I” focus, when you are proud of your children because they are better than the other person’s children, it’s really about your own achievement of doing so marvellously well at rearing them!
I am the first to admit that I am very proud. I’m not from a rich family, or particularly distinguished lineage, but I had a lot of pride in my intellect and academic achievements. I know a lot of people around who are like that too, but I won’t criticise them until I’ve confessed my own shortcomings! And even as a Christian, many are very susceptible to pride, because it is spiritual pride of being able to do certain things or avoid certain temptations, and thinking ourselves better than others, be it believers or non-believers.
In fact, the better you are at something, the more likely you are to become proud. But does that mean we aim to under-achieve and aim not to be better? No, that would be another form of pride known as “False humility”. What is this false humility? It is when one thinks or tries to act below others, and not do the best that one can, so that others are not offended or upset. It’s the game of “ Let’s pretend to be humble”. Sometimes even sincere people who want to avoid pride fall into this trap of “false humility”. They may be always deprecating themselves with put-down remarks or not acknowledging genuine praises from others because they don’t want to seem better than others. There’s some guilt associated with this false humility. Of course, there are also very good actors in the world who appear most humble to all and sundry but actually think very highly of themselves. I believe however, that God can see into the heart of each person, so it’s better to come straight and be honest with ourselves and God, than to put up a front or display for people around us.
What’s the antidote for pride then? Is there any way we can avoid it? I believe from what the Bible says that a person who truly seeks God, and after finding God, longs to know God more and more, can avoid pride. Why? Because the very sense of knowing God means that you realise you are nothing, and unworthy to amount to anything compared to the great Almighty God. Everything you have, everything you are, does not belong to you, it came from the Creator. And there are many references to show us that being humble and knowing God is closely correlated. It is also one of the most essential things that God looks for in a man/woman/child who seeks to please him. Learn from the example of Jesus.
Something else that’s closely connected to Pride is Fear. I’ve got so many fears it’s not funny! But the bible tells me that the Fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom, and I for one would like to be wise. Also, the promise of the Holy Spirit is that we no longer have a spirit of fear, but of power and love and sound mind. And the antidote for fear is very powerful, it’s love. Again, we can look at the example of Jesus.
OK, after all that “preaching” I better share something about myself, so that people don’t think of me as “high and mighty” or “holier than thou”. The monster within is the evil me…
Not “mini me”. Just old me. The old me is the sinful me, with lots of pride/self-centredness and fear. Lots of hatred, guilt and blame. Lots of unlove. I am worse than a lot of people. I used to write hate letters to my mother, saying that I wished she were dead, and having rebellion and murder in my heart. Not just my mother, but also my teachers. Basically, people who had authority over me. I’m not saying that I didn’t have “just cause”. If you analyse my situation further, you may have some sympathy or even understand the reasoning I used for the hate I had. But it is no excuse. It is within the power of every human to choose to do right or wrong regardless of what’s been done in the past. That is the freedom that God has given us that we have more often than not, chosen to misuse.
I also have said some very nasty words before… Some in anger, some in envy, some for the pleasure of making someone else feel bad… snide comments and sarcastic remarks used to be quite a trademark of mine. Sometimes too, no matter how unintentional or innocent some words are, if they are let loose without much thought, they can be sometimes even more damaging than carefully chosen nasty words. I have rued many a-phrase that I’ve said callously, though I had no intention to hurt anybody, but because people were sensitive and possible misinterpreted the meanings, and so the end result is that people are hurt. Sometimes it gets to the stage that you don’t even remember saying the words, but the hurt soul remembers them for years after. These days, I try to stop the words from coming out of my mouth, but I still have a lot of “evil” thoughts that I have to confess to God and ask him to keep having patience with me, so that I can learn to be kinder, more loving and forgiving.
Philippians 4 is always such a positive reminder, to only think of the honourable and pure. And of course, the Bible warns against a quick tongue time and time again. (For example James 3). I do realise the power of words. They can be very destructive, but also can be very edifying if we know how to use them lovingly and wisely.
What else? I’ve also had many dark and evil thoughts that nobody knows except God, myself and maybe the devil. That’s why I realise that if I can appear so “ordinary” on the outside yet have such sinfulness, many people out there are probably the same or maybe even worse. Only God knows. When people vehemently deny that they are bad, and keep emphasising they’re own “goodness” I just ignore them. Most people are reasonable enough to say they’re not perfect, acknowledging they have their weaknesses, but they never get to the stage where they think it’s that terrible, so they go about life discounting their own failings, and thinking it’s OK, because everyone else is like that. They are further away from God and true repentance than the sinner who realises his own wickedness and asks for mercy.
(Luke 18:9-14)
I’m learning to build bridges instead of walls, because I love the passage talking about the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:11-21. First of all, my own reconciliation with Christ, then my reconciliation or unity with the other members of the body of Christ and then my ambassadorial duty to reconcile those outside of the kingdom of heaven with Christ.
What about the monster or monsters without? No, their names are neither Osama bin Laden nor George Bush, regardless of how many conspiracy theories there are out there, or even AntiChrist predictions. The media uses the term for people who commit heinous acts like paedophilia and mass murders, but they’re not really monstrous either. They’re sinners, same as you and I, no more and no less. Aha! Maybe the Devil then? Although most “rational” scientific thinking people do not believe in an unseen Evil being anymore, I think that’s just part of his great work at managing to deceive the world of his existence. Yes, I suppose you could say that he is a monster, because a lot of major evils are attributed to him. And he is God’s adversary, because his purpose is to steal, kill and destroy whatever is good and pleasing to God. We must remember though, that Satan hasn’t always been the monster popularly depicted with a fork, a tail and horns. He was a highly-favoured angel of light in heaven before the world was created. But because of pride and rebellion, he was thrown out and received a suspended sentence of eternal damnation. Even today, he is still roaming about like a prowling lion to devour the unsuspecting. And he is pretty good at deception, hence the title “Prince of Lies”. I’ve heard stories of people seeing a vision of Light, sometimes during meditation, sometimes during drug-induced trances, and when they follow it, they somehow become more ensnared in their problems than before. Yet for Christians, we must remember that though we acknowledge that Satan is an opponent of substantial power, and not dismiss the danger off-handedly, we know also that he is already vanquished by the victory earned by Jesus Christ at the cross of Calvary. Jesus has conquered death and the power of sin. We should not be foolhardy but we should not be unduly fearful either. (We are more than conquerors…. Romans 8)
What else? Satan also has another title, which is “Prince of the World”. Therefore, the world we live in is also sinful. The collective hearts of man reflected in society, as well as nature itself, is a consequence of the Fall after Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden. Natural disasters, mobs, worldly philosophies, unjust governments, the longings of man to better themselves as exemplified in the story of the Tower of Babel. Man’s nature comes out the worst at times when we see crises like Hurricane Katrina, where looting was rife. The world is also associated with Money, Power, Ambition, Comfort and Luxury. The glory and the honour of being esteemed by society is very attractive. It is Success with a capital S. Greed. The Bible actually calls Money by the name Mammon. A person chooses which master he will serve, because a person who serves Mammon cannot serve God at the same time. The world is also contrasted with the heavenly kingdom because the world represents everything that is material, temporal and right now in this lifetime. It’s not a monster that is easily identified, yet it’s harder to fight than the mythical monsters of old. It’s like the Sirens singing to the sailor luring him to his death, it’s like the Medusa whose glance would freeze you if you looked in its eyes. It’s not a scary monster, but it is a beast that seems almost too comfortable that we forget the warning not to be friends with it.
John 21:15-25 &
John 10:1-18 &
Matthew 19:13-14, Mark 10:13-16, Luke 18:15-17
1 John 4, in particular v.18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
One of the most important insights one can have of oneself is to realise that there is a monster within. It’s much easier to recognise the monster without, be it the “ghouls” and “evil spirits” in the dark forest in the ancient times or the strange barbarians from beyond the sea or mountain, to the sex and violence in the secular mass media today or the terrorists from the other side of the fence in our global village.
We are, in essence, weak creatures of fear and blame and guilt.
It is a heart condition known as “sin”. The saying “Pride goes before a fall” is found in the book of Proverbs in the middle of the Bible, but it could just as well have been at the start of the Bible in Genesis, when the fall of Creation happened. (Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall Prov 16:18)
I always wonder at the many people who think that humans are, by nature, good. I am torn between the desire to laugh cynically and to cry earnestly at this pitiful self-deception. In my view, this very insidious untruth is attributable to human pride, plus a healthy dose of encouragement from the prince of lies. The worldly philosophies of liberalism and humanism are very wide-influencing in spreading this “gospel” of self-improvement and striving for the greater good, even perfection. Utopia is within reach; the future of this world is a more beautiful and better place. It even comes under the cover of the name “love”. It’s a warm and fuzzy “feel-good” emotion that seems to always “pet you on the back” and reminds us “you will succeed if you try hard enough”.
Another deceptive philosophy in our world today is the agnosticism/atheism school of thought. Yet interestingly, I find that many people who claim to be agnostic/atheist have substituted the worship of “god” with the worship of “science”!
I am learning from the Pauline epistles (or in plainspeak, letters from Paul in the New Testament) that it is more powerful to testify of the work of the Spirit in my life than to preach about the whats, hows and whys of doing or not doing something. And that is the principle in the old but wise adage of “Teach by showing, learn by doing”.
Pride is the hardest thing to admit to having. It is a thing called “Ego”. Most kids discover it very easily without having to be taught. It’s sometimes very easy to spot. Paul’s pride in his fine Jewish bloodline, education and achievements was very obviously Pride. So too we see that Mr Darcy in the famous novel “Pride and Prejudice” shares this malady. However, sometimes pride is less easily visible. The most timid person around can have pride and not realise it. One of the most profound learnings I have regarding pride is that it is really about “I” in the middle. When your focus is on yourself. Even things like your children can be an extension of that “I” focus, when you are proud of your children because they are better than the other person’s children, it’s really about your own achievement of doing so marvellously well at rearing them!
I am the first to admit that I am very proud. I’m not from a rich family, or particularly distinguished lineage, but I had a lot of pride in my intellect and academic achievements. I know a lot of people around who are like that too, but I won’t criticise them until I’ve confessed my own shortcomings! And even as a Christian, many are very susceptible to pride, because it is spiritual pride of being able to do certain things or avoid certain temptations, and thinking ourselves better than others, be it believers or non-believers.
In fact, the better you are at something, the more likely you are to become proud. But does that mean we aim to under-achieve and aim not to be better? No, that would be another form of pride known as “False humility”. What is this false humility? It is when one thinks or tries to act below others, and not do the best that one can, so that others are not offended or upset. It’s the game of “ Let’s pretend to be humble”. Sometimes even sincere people who want to avoid pride fall into this trap of “false humility”. They may be always deprecating themselves with put-down remarks or not acknowledging genuine praises from others because they don’t want to seem better than others. There’s some guilt associated with this false humility. Of course, there are also very good actors in the world who appear most humble to all and sundry but actually think very highly of themselves. I believe however, that God can see into the heart of each person, so it’s better to come straight and be honest with ourselves and God, than to put up a front or display for people around us.
What’s the antidote for pride then? Is there any way we can avoid it? I believe from what the Bible says that a person who truly seeks God, and after finding God, longs to know God more and more, can avoid pride. Why? Because the very sense of knowing God means that you realise you are nothing, and unworthy to amount to anything compared to the great Almighty God. Everything you have, everything you are, does not belong to you, it came from the Creator. And there are many references to show us that being humble and knowing God is closely correlated. It is also one of the most essential things that God looks for in a man/woman/child who seeks to please him. Learn from the example of Jesus.
Something else that’s closely connected to Pride is Fear. I’ve got so many fears it’s not funny! But the bible tells me that the Fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom, and I for one would like to be wise. Also, the promise of the Holy Spirit is that we no longer have a spirit of fear, but of power and love and sound mind. And the antidote for fear is very powerful, it’s love. Again, we can look at the example of Jesus.
OK, after all that “preaching” I better share something about myself, so that people don’t think of me as “high and mighty” or “holier than thou”. The monster within is the evil me…
Not “mini me”. Just old me. The old me is the sinful me, with lots of pride/self-centredness and fear. Lots of hatred, guilt and blame. Lots of unlove. I am worse than a lot of people. I used to write hate letters to my mother, saying that I wished she were dead, and having rebellion and murder in my heart. Not just my mother, but also my teachers. Basically, people who had authority over me. I’m not saying that I didn’t have “just cause”. If you analyse my situation further, you may have some sympathy or even understand the reasoning I used for the hate I had. But it is no excuse. It is within the power of every human to choose to do right or wrong regardless of what’s been done in the past. That is the freedom that God has given us that we have more often than not, chosen to misuse.
I also have said some very nasty words before… Some in anger, some in envy, some for the pleasure of making someone else feel bad… snide comments and sarcastic remarks used to be quite a trademark of mine. Sometimes too, no matter how unintentional or innocent some words are, if they are let loose without much thought, they can be sometimes even more damaging than carefully chosen nasty words. I have rued many a-phrase that I’ve said callously, though I had no intention to hurt anybody, but because people were sensitive and possible misinterpreted the meanings, and so the end result is that people are hurt. Sometimes it gets to the stage that you don’t even remember saying the words, but the hurt soul remembers them for years after. These days, I try to stop the words from coming out of my mouth, but I still have a lot of “evil” thoughts that I have to confess to God and ask him to keep having patience with me, so that I can learn to be kinder, more loving and forgiving.
Philippians 4 is always such a positive reminder, to only think of the honourable and pure. And of course, the Bible warns against a quick tongue time and time again. (For example James 3). I do realise the power of words. They can be very destructive, but also can be very edifying if we know how to use them lovingly and wisely.
What else? I’ve also had many dark and evil thoughts that nobody knows except God, myself and maybe the devil. That’s why I realise that if I can appear so “ordinary” on the outside yet have such sinfulness, many people out there are probably the same or maybe even worse. Only God knows. When people vehemently deny that they are bad, and keep emphasising they’re own “goodness” I just ignore them. Most people are reasonable enough to say they’re not perfect, acknowledging they have their weaknesses, but they never get to the stage where they think it’s that terrible, so they go about life discounting their own failings, and thinking it’s OK, because everyone else is like that. They are further away from God and true repentance than the sinner who realises his own wickedness and asks for mercy.
(Luke 18:9-14)
I’m learning to build bridges instead of walls, because I love the passage talking about the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:11-21. First of all, my own reconciliation with Christ, then my reconciliation or unity with the other members of the body of Christ and then my ambassadorial duty to reconcile those outside of the kingdom of heaven with Christ.
What about the monster or monsters without? No, their names are neither Osama bin Laden nor George Bush, regardless of how many conspiracy theories there are out there, or even AntiChrist predictions. The media uses the term for people who commit heinous acts like paedophilia and mass murders, but they’re not really monstrous either. They’re sinners, same as you and I, no more and no less. Aha! Maybe the Devil then? Although most “rational” scientific thinking people do not believe in an unseen Evil being anymore, I think that’s just part of his great work at managing to deceive the world of his existence. Yes, I suppose you could say that he is a monster, because a lot of major evils are attributed to him. And he is God’s adversary, because his purpose is to steal, kill and destroy whatever is good and pleasing to God. We must remember though, that Satan hasn’t always been the monster popularly depicted with a fork, a tail and horns. He was a highly-favoured angel of light in heaven before the world was created. But because of pride and rebellion, he was thrown out and received a suspended sentence of eternal damnation. Even today, he is still roaming about like a prowling lion to devour the unsuspecting. And he is pretty good at deception, hence the title “Prince of Lies”. I’ve heard stories of people seeing a vision of Light, sometimes during meditation, sometimes during drug-induced trances, and when they follow it, they somehow become more ensnared in their problems than before. Yet for Christians, we must remember that though we acknowledge that Satan is an opponent of substantial power, and not dismiss the danger off-handedly, we know also that he is already vanquished by the victory earned by Jesus Christ at the cross of Calvary. Jesus has conquered death and the power of sin. We should not be foolhardy but we should not be unduly fearful either. (We are more than conquerors…. Romans 8)
What else? Satan also has another title, which is “Prince of the World”. Therefore, the world we live in is also sinful. The collective hearts of man reflected in society, as well as nature itself, is a consequence of the Fall after Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden. Natural disasters, mobs, worldly philosophies, unjust governments, the longings of man to better themselves as exemplified in the story of the Tower of Babel. Man’s nature comes out the worst at times when we see crises like Hurricane Katrina, where looting was rife. The world is also associated with Money, Power, Ambition, Comfort and Luxury. The glory and the honour of being esteemed by society is very attractive. It is Success with a capital S. Greed. The Bible actually calls Money by the name Mammon. A person chooses which master he will serve, because a person who serves Mammon cannot serve God at the same time. The world is also contrasted with the heavenly kingdom because the world represents everything that is material, temporal and right now in this lifetime. It’s not a monster that is easily identified, yet it’s harder to fight than the mythical monsters of old. It’s like the Sirens singing to the sailor luring him to his death, it’s like the Medusa whose glance would freeze you if you looked in its eyes. It’s not a scary monster, but it is a beast that seems almost too comfortable that we forget the warning not to be friends with it.
city of blood
Woe to the city of blood,
full of lies,
full of plunder,
never without victims!
The crack of whips,
the clatter of wheels,
galloping horses
and jolting chariots!
Charging cavalry,
flashing swords
and glittering spears!
Many casualties,
piles of dead,
bodies without number,
people stumbling over the corpses-
all because of the wanton lust of a harlot,
alluring, the mistress of sorceries,
who enslaved nations by her prostitution
and peoples by her witchcraft.
Nahum the Elkoshite
full of lies,
full of plunder,
never without victims!
The crack of whips,
the clatter of wheels,
galloping horses
and jolting chariots!
Charging cavalry,
flashing swords
and glittering spears!
Many casualties,
piles of dead,
bodies without number,
people stumbling over the corpses-
all because of the wanton lust of a harlot,
alluring, the mistress of sorceries,
who enslaved nations by her prostitution
and peoples by her witchcraft.
Nahum the Elkoshite
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Some things that I live by
Some things that I live by:
I want to remain a child as long as I can.
The spiritual is a greater reality than the physical.
Living is learning.
Growing takes courage.
Love is needed to overcome fear.
Kindness is under-rated.
Faith is the currency of heaven.
Some people can share the same roof for years and never be a family, while some people can be miles apart, but have the same heartbeat.
God is the dream giver and the dream realiser.
I am a child of Abraham, by God’s promise: a miracle, like one of the stars in the sky and the sand on the shore.
The rainbow brings hope after the rain, always, just as the dawn brings the light after the night.
I will not wake up and live today just like yesterday, because today is a new day, and every day, is a better adventure than the day before.
I will count my blessings.
I will forgive all who hurt me, even my worst enemy, myself.
A teacher is not someone who tells you something factual, but rather, someone who gives you the strength to ask yourself the hard questions and seek the truth beyond the answer.
I live everyday as if it were my last, and go to bed giving thanks that I have one less day to live on earth, and grow one day nearer to my final destination.
God does not need me to do anything for him, except to be the most original me.
Wisdom is sweet.
All I need is God. Everything else is optional.
But God in his infinite grace, gives me more than just what I need, extravagantly, abundantly, unceasingly, overflowing.
So, I will wade into the depths of his riches.
I will learn to be more than a conqueror, and become the royal priest that I am.
I will not apologise for being me.
I really really like to laugh!
I want to remain a child as long as I can.
The spiritual is a greater reality than the physical.
Living is learning.
Growing takes courage.
Love is needed to overcome fear.
Kindness is under-rated.
Faith is the currency of heaven.
Some people can share the same roof for years and never be a family, while some people can be miles apart, but have the same heartbeat.
God is the dream giver and the dream realiser.
I am a child of Abraham, by God’s promise: a miracle, like one of the stars in the sky and the sand on the shore.
The rainbow brings hope after the rain, always, just as the dawn brings the light after the night.
I will not wake up and live today just like yesterday, because today is a new day, and every day, is a better adventure than the day before.
I will count my blessings.
I will forgive all who hurt me, even my worst enemy, myself.
A teacher is not someone who tells you something factual, but rather, someone who gives you the strength to ask yourself the hard questions and seek the truth beyond the answer.
I live everyday as if it were my last, and go to bed giving thanks that I have one less day to live on earth, and grow one day nearer to my final destination.
God does not need me to do anything for him, except to be the most original me.
Wisdom is sweet.
All I need is God. Everything else is optional.
But God in his infinite grace, gives me more than just what I need, extravagantly, abundantly, unceasingly, overflowing.
So, I will wade into the depths of his riches.
I will learn to be more than a conqueror, and become the royal priest that I am.
I will not apologise for being me.
I really really like to laugh!
golden goose
The Golden Goose by the BROTHERS grimm
There was a man who had three sons, the youngest of whom was called Dummling,[*] and was despised, mocked, and sneered at on every occasion.
It happened that the eldest wanted to go into the forest to hew wood, and before he went his mother gave him a beautiful sweet cake and a bottle of wine in order that he might not suffer from hunger or thirst.
When he entered the forest he met a little grey-haired old man who bade him good day, and said: ’Do give me a piece of cake out of your pocket, and let me have a draught of your wine; I am so hungry and thirsty.’ But the clever son answered: ’If I give you my cake and wine, I shall have none for myself; be off with you,’ and he left the little man standing and went on.
But when he began to hew down a tree, it was not long before he made a false stroke, and the axe cut him in the arm, so that he had to go home and have it bound up. And this was the little grey man’s doing.
After this the second son went into the forest, and his mother gave him, like the eldest, a cake and a bottle of wine. The little old grey man met him likewise, and asked him for a piece of cake and a drink of wine. But the second son, too, said sensibly enough: ’What I give you will be taken away from myself; be off!’ and he left the little man standing and went on. His punishment, however, was not delayed; when he had made a few blows at the tree he struck himself in the leg, so that he had to be carried home.
Then Dummling said: ’Father, do let me go and cut wood.’ The father answered: ’Your brothers have hurt themselves with it, leave it alone, you do not understand anything about it.’ But Dummling begged so long that at last he said: ’Just go then, you will get wiser by hurting yourself.’ His mother gave him a cake made with water and baked in the cinders, and with it a bottle of sour beer.
When he came to the forest the little old grey man met him likewise, and greeting him, said: ’Give me a piece of your cake and a drink out of your bottle; I am so hungry and thirsty.’ Dummling answered: ’I have only cinder-cake and sour beer; if that pleases you, we will sit down and eat.’ So they sat down, and when Dummling pulled out his cinder-cake, it was a fine sweet cake, and the sour beer had become good wine. So they ate and drank, and after that the little man said: ’Since you have a good heart, and are willing to divide what you have, I will give you good luck. There stands an old tree, cut it down, and you will find something at the roots.’ Then the little man took leave of him.
Dummling went and cut down the tree, and when it fell there was a goose sitting in the roots with feathers of pure gold. He lifted her up, and taking her with him, went to an inn where he thought he would stay the night. Now the host had three daughters, who saw the goose and were curious to know what such a wonderful bird might be, and would have liked to have one of its golden feathers.
The eldest thought: ’I shall soon find an opportunity of pulling out a feather,’ and as soon as Dummling had gone out she seized the goose by the wing, but her finger and hand remained sticking fast to it.
The second came soon afterwards, thinking only of how she might get a feather for herself, but she had scarcely touched her sister than she was held fast.
At last the third also came with the like intent, and the others screamed out: ’Keep away; for goodness’ sake keep away!’ But she did not understand why she was to keep away. ’The others are there,’ she thought, ’I may as well be there too,’ and ran to them; but as soon as she had touched her sister, she remained sticking fast to her. So they had to spend the night with the goose.
The next morning Dummling took the goose under his arm and set out, without troubling himself about the three girls who were hanging on to it. They were obliged to run after him continually, now left, now right, wherever his legs took him.
In the middle of the fields the parson met them, and when he saw the procession he said: ’For shame, you good-for-nothing girls, why are you running across the fields after this young man? Is that seemly?’ At the same time he seized the youngest by the hand in order to pull her away, but as soon as he touched her he likewise stuck fast, and was himself obliged to run behind.
Before long the sexton came by and saw his master, the parson, running behind three girls. He was astonished at this and called out: ’Hi! your reverence, whither away so quickly? Do not forget that we have a christening today!’ and running after him he took him by the sleeve, but was also held fast to it.
Whilst the five were trotting thus one behind the other, two labourers came with their hoes from the fields; the parson called out to them and begged that they would set him and the sexton free. But they had scarcely touched the sexton when they were held fast, and now there were seven of them running behind Dummling and the goose.
Soon afterwards he came to a city, where a king ruled who had a daughter who was so serious that no one could make her laugh. So he had put forth a decree that whosoever should be able to make her laugh should marry her. When Dummling heard this, he went with his goose and all her train before the king’s daughter, and as soon as she saw the seven people running on and on, one behind the other, she began to laugh quite loudly, and as if she would never stop. Thereupon Dummling asked to have her for his wife; but the king did not like the son-in- law, and made all manner of excuses and said he must first produce a man who could drink a cellarful of wine. Dummling thought of the little grey man, who could certainly help him; so he went into the forest, and in the same place where he had felled the tree, he saw a man sitting, who had a very sorrowful face. Dummling asked him what he was taking to heart so sorely, and he answered: ’I have such a great thirst and cannot quench it; cold water I cannot stand, a barrel of wine I have just emptied, but that to me is like a drop on a hot stone!’
’There, I can help you,’ said Dummling, ’just come with me and you shall be satisfied.’
He led him into the king’s cellar, and the man bent over the huge barrels, and drank and drank till his loins hurt, and before the day was out he had emptied all the barrels. Then Dummling asked once more for his bride, but the king was vexed that such an ugly fellow, whom everyone called Dummling, should take away his daughter, and he made a new condition; he must first find a man who could eat a whole mountain of bread. Dummling did not think long, but went straight into the forest, where in the same place there sat a man who was tying up his body with a strap, and making an awful face, and saying: ’I have eaten a whole ovenful of rolls, but what good is that when one has such a hunger as I? My stomach remains empty, and I must tie myself up if I am not to die of hunger.’
At this Dummling was glad, and said: ’Get up and come with me; you shall eat yourself full.’ He led him to the king’s palace where all the flour in the whole Kingdom was collected, and from it he caused a huge mountain of bread to be baked. The man from the forest stood before it, began to eat, and by the end of one day the whole mountain had vanished. Then Dummling for the third time asked for his bride; but the king again sought a way out, and ordered a ship which could sail on land and on water. ’As soon as you come sailing back in it,’ said he, ’you shall have my daughter for wife.’Dummling went straight into the forest, and there sat the little grey man to whom he had given his cake. When he heard what Dummling wanted, he said: ’Since you have given me to eat and to drink, I will give you the ship; and I do all this because you once were kind to me.’ Then he gave him the ship which could sail on land and water, and when the king saw that, he could no longer prevent him from having his daughter. The wedding was celebrated, and after the king’s death, Dummling inherited his kingdom and lived for a long time contentedly with his wife.
There was a man who had three sons, the youngest of whom was called Dummling,[*] and was despised, mocked, and sneered at on every occasion.
It happened that the eldest wanted to go into the forest to hew wood, and before he went his mother gave him a beautiful sweet cake and a bottle of wine in order that he might not suffer from hunger or thirst.
When he entered the forest he met a little grey-haired old man who bade him good day, and said: ’Do give me a piece of cake out of your pocket, and let me have a draught of your wine; I am so hungry and thirsty.’ But the clever son answered: ’If I give you my cake and wine, I shall have none for myself; be off with you,’ and he left the little man standing and went on.
But when he began to hew down a tree, it was not long before he made a false stroke, and the axe cut him in the arm, so that he had to go home and have it bound up. And this was the little grey man’s doing.
After this the second son went into the forest, and his mother gave him, like the eldest, a cake and a bottle of wine. The little old grey man met him likewise, and asked him for a piece of cake and a drink of wine. But the second son, too, said sensibly enough: ’What I give you will be taken away from myself; be off!’ and he left the little man standing and went on. His punishment, however, was not delayed; when he had made a few blows at the tree he struck himself in the leg, so that he had to be carried home.
Then Dummling said: ’Father, do let me go and cut wood.’ The father answered: ’Your brothers have hurt themselves with it, leave it alone, you do not understand anything about it.’ But Dummling begged so long that at last he said: ’Just go then, you will get wiser by hurting yourself.’ His mother gave him a cake made with water and baked in the cinders, and with it a bottle of sour beer.
When he came to the forest the little old grey man met him likewise, and greeting him, said: ’Give me a piece of your cake and a drink out of your bottle; I am so hungry and thirsty.’ Dummling answered: ’I have only cinder-cake and sour beer; if that pleases you, we will sit down and eat.’ So they sat down, and when Dummling pulled out his cinder-cake, it was a fine sweet cake, and the sour beer had become good wine. So they ate and drank, and after that the little man said: ’Since you have a good heart, and are willing to divide what you have, I will give you good luck. There stands an old tree, cut it down, and you will find something at the roots.’ Then the little man took leave of him.
Dummling went and cut down the tree, and when it fell there was a goose sitting in the roots with feathers of pure gold. He lifted her up, and taking her with him, went to an inn where he thought he would stay the night. Now the host had three daughters, who saw the goose and were curious to know what such a wonderful bird might be, and would have liked to have one of its golden feathers.
The eldest thought: ’I shall soon find an opportunity of pulling out a feather,’ and as soon as Dummling had gone out she seized the goose by the wing, but her finger and hand remained sticking fast to it.
The second came soon afterwards, thinking only of how she might get a feather for herself, but she had scarcely touched her sister than she was held fast.
At last the third also came with the like intent, and the others screamed out: ’Keep away; for goodness’ sake keep away!’ But she did not understand why she was to keep away. ’The others are there,’ she thought, ’I may as well be there too,’ and ran to them; but as soon as she had touched her sister, she remained sticking fast to her. So they had to spend the night with the goose.
The next morning Dummling took the goose under his arm and set out, without troubling himself about the three girls who were hanging on to it. They were obliged to run after him continually, now left, now right, wherever his legs took him.
In the middle of the fields the parson met them, and when he saw the procession he said: ’For shame, you good-for-nothing girls, why are you running across the fields after this young man? Is that seemly?’ At the same time he seized the youngest by the hand in order to pull her away, but as soon as he touched her he likewise stuck fast, and was himself obliged to run behind.
Before long the sexton came by and saw his master, the parson, running behind three girls. He was astonished at this and called out: ’Hi! your reverence, whither away so quickly? Do not forget that we have a christening today!’ and running after him he took him by the sleeve, but was also held fast to it.
Whilst the five were trotting thus one behind the other, two labourers came with their hoes from the fields; the parson called out to them and begged that they would set him and the sexton free. But they had scarcely touched the sexton when they were held fast, and now there were seven of them running behind Dummling and the goose.
Soon afterwards he came to a city, where a king ruled who had a daughter who was so serious that no one could make her laugh. So he had put forth a decree that whosoever should be able to make her laugh should marry her. When Dummling heard this, he went with his goose and all her train before the king’s daughter, and as soon as she saw the seven people running on and on, one behind the other, she began to laugh quite loudly, and as if she would never stop. Thereupon Dummling asked to have her for his wife; but the king did not like the son-in- law, and made all manner of excuses and said he must first produce a man who could drink a cellarful of wine. Dummling thought of the little grey man, who could certainly help him; so he went into the forest, and in the same place where he had felled the tree, he saw a man sitting, who had a very sorrowful face. Dummling asked him what he was taking to heart so sorely, and he answered: ’I have such a great thirst and cannot quench it; cold water I cannot stand, a barrel of wine I have just emptied, but that to me is like a drop on a hot stone!’
’There, I can help you,’ said Dummling, ’just come with me and you shall be satisfied.’
He led him into the king’s cellar, and the man bent over the huge barrels, and drank and drank till his loins hurt, and before the day was out he had emptied all the barrels. Then Dummling asked once more for his bride, but the king was vexed that such an ugly fellow, whom everyone called Dummling, should take away his daughter, and he made a new condition; he must first find a man who could eat a whole mountain of bread. Dummling did not think long, but went straight into the forest, where in the same place there sat a man who was tying up his body with a strap, and making an awful face, and saying: ’I have eaten a whole ovenful of rolls, but what good is that when one has such a hunger as I? My stomach remains empty, and I must tie myself up if I am not to die of hunger.’
At this Dummling was glad, and said: ’Get up and come with me; you shall eat yourself full.’ He led him to the king’s palace where all the flour in the whole Kingdom was collected, and from it he caused a huge mountain of bread to be baked. The man from the forest stood before it, began to eat, and by the end of one day the whole mountain had vanished. Then Dummling for the third time asked for his bride; but the king again sought a way out, and ordered a ship which could sail on land and on water. ’As soon as you come sailing back in it,’ said he, ’you shall have my daughter for wife.’Dummling went straight into the forest, and there sat the little grey man to whom he had given his cake. When he heard what Dummling wanted, he said: ’Since you have given me to eat and to drink, I will give you the ship; and I do all this because you once were kind to me.’ Then he gave him the ship which could sail on land and water, and when the king saw that, he could no longer prevent him from having his daughter. The wedding was celebrated, and after the king’s death, Dummling inherited his kingdom and lived for a long time contentedly with his wife.
Walking wounded
Walking wounded
They’ve been hurt, they are hurting,
They scowl, they’re foul,
I’ve been hurt, I’m hurtin’…
I growl and prowl,
I reach out, you stretch out.
They hurt me? I hurt back.
Raw war. Roar!
The talons are sharp
The fangs are drawn
Slashes! Bashes!
We claw at each other’s gashes,
Stabs! Jabs!
We pick at each other’s scabs.
There are wounds, holes,
We’re unwhole…unholy.
I crouch, I snarl,
I guard my scars…
Phantom pain…
Haunting, gnawing.
Whispered whimpers.
Impaired, scared.
Cowed, bowed.
Vowed I’d learn to numb…
be dumb.
Silent resignation?
Quiet desperation.
Dejected, rejected.
Objected, ejected
Abject subjects of Wretch
Flawed…Floored…
We are the walking wounded.
I need a healer, a save-r.
A giver, a fill-er.
A lover, a ruler.
Matthew 9:10-13; 35-36
10While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. 11When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" 12On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.
They’ve been hurt, they are hurting,
They scowl, they’re foul,
I’ve been hurt, I’m hurtin’…
I growl and prowl,
I reach out, you stretch out.
They hurt me? I hurt back.
Raw war. Roar!
The talons are sharp
The fangs are drawn
Slashes! Bashes!
We claw at each other’s gashes,
Stabs! Jabs!
We pick at each other’s scabs.
There are wounds, holes,
We’re unwhole…unholy.
I crouch, I snarl,
I guard my scars…
Phantom pain…
Haunting, gnawing.
Whispered whimpers.
Impaired, scared.
Cowed, bowed.
Vowed I’d learn to numb…
be dumb.
Silent resignation?
Quiet desperation.
Dejected, rejected.
Objected, ejected
Abject subjects of Wretch
Flawed…Floored…
We are the walking wounded.
I need a healer, a save-r.
A giver, a fill-er.
A lover, a ruler.
Matthew 9:10-13; 35-36
10While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. 11When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" 12On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.
ruminations
Ruminations: Of blindness, bananas, humility, knowledge and growth.
One man’s meat is another man’s poison. (Shakespeare)
Known knowns,
Known unknowns,
Unknown unknowns.
(Words popularized by Donald Rumsfeld but originally from insurance industry)
Does a person blind from birth know that they lack the sense of sight?
Yes, if they live in a community with people who have the normal perception of sight. They will hear words like, shapes, colours, that they cannot begin to comprehend but can imagine based on what they hear or touch or smell or taste.
No, if they live in an isolated community of blind people who have never known the sense of sight. They will live their entire lives not knowing that there is such a sense and they may well have heightened senses of hearing, touch, smell and taste, but they will never know the difference between red and green. The difference between a red nectarine and a green pear. It may smell different, taste different, but they will never know that it also looks different.
Will they ever know that the rainbow occurs in the sky? They cannot see it, and it is beyond their other senses to perceive it as well, since they cannot touch, smell, and taste or hear it either!
My banana story:
I used to detest bananas. When I was young, my mother force-fed me bananas because “they’re good for you”. Bananas virtually everyday. I believed in the yuckiness of bananas. I much prefer crunchy and juicy fruits e.g. apples, to mushy fruits like banana. Maybe some of you may have the same loathing for broccoli! Just a taste and texture thing, you know? So, in this case, the banana is my mother’s meat, but my poison…and maybe broccoli is my meat but your poison.
When I first moved out, boy, the freedom of choice! I did my own grocery shopping and didn’t give banana a second glance.
But, the story doesn’t end there. I now like bananas! So then you may ask, why would I change my mind? On a whim? My tastebuds have not malfunctioned, but I reckon it is a matter of preferences and priorities.
I have known since young that bananas are nutritious, lots of potassium and other healthy stuff. That information was not the revelation that changed my worldview of the banana. No, it had always been drilled into my brain that bananas are good. However, knowing that fact in my mind but also knowing that my oral senses didn’t like the sensation of the banana, the nutritional value somehow didn’t appeal to the young me. My priorities definitely valued taste above nutrition.
Now, if you ask me whether I prefer apples or bananas, all things being equal, I will still pick an apple over a banana. My preferences have not changed, as nutritionally they are both still good.
The knowledge in my mind and my taste preferences have not changed, but my priorities have changed. I now place nutritional value above the pleasing taste and texture criteria. And as I broaden my diet to include bananas, it does not mean that I give up apples, and it does not mean that I must now eat bananas everyday (as advocated by my mother). It just means that I know why I choose to eat bananas. And to my pleasant surprise I find that bananas are not as icky as those from my childhood memories, which were coloured by prejudice. And I get fewer cramps in my feet now because of the added potassium in my diet. Maybe mother was right after all, and I am forced to admit it in this particular matter.
Though my process of discovering the joys of banana-eating was lengthier than most people, I have learned a lot of truth from this, about growing and accepting change, and finding out why I like or dislike something. Of comparing different priorities and ranking them. Of making choices based on my values, and evaluating whether the values that I place on the priorities are valid or not. Of understanding and accepting who I am, and why I choose certain things. And also realizing that I may not know everything and acknowledging that what I think I know may not always be cast in stone. Of continually striving to keep learning more about life and not be complacent in my ignorance.
In my opinion, humility is often sadly overlooked in our society. Yet, knowledge is quite prized in some circles, for example, at university. But can one acquire knowledge without humility? Most people don’t even think these values are connected.
I believe knowledge without humility leads to pride. And in our post-modern progressive society, there are many great advances in technology and various fields of endeavour, which gives us all a great sense of pride. In a good way, you will say, and I agree to a certain extent.
The fruits of our labour. The triumphs of human achievement.
However, a wise man once said that the more he learned, the more he realized he did not know.
Pride goes before a fall. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.
There is so much more out there. The unknown unknowns.
Can we know the unknown? Is the truth out there? You might even discover that there are unknown knowns in your life. Things you thought you knew, but didn’t actually know. Like the meaning of love.
You may be like the blind man who ventures out of the blind community for the first time, encountering strange new things, ideas, concepts. Might even get healed and gain the sense of sight! So this thing about growing in life, it’s just a matter of priorities, isn’t it?
By the way, some things that the writer enjoys are watching soccer, learning, talking to God, music, talking about the meaning of life with truth-seekers, sleeping, testing the truth in the Bible, star-gazing and eating. But not in that order of priority, of course.
One man’s meat is another man’s poison. (Shakespeare)
Known knowns,
Known unknowns,
Unknown unknowns.
(Words popularized by Donald Rumsfeld but originally from insurance industry)
Does a person blind from birth know that they lack the sense of sight?
Yes, if they live in a community with people who have the normal perception of sight. They will hear words like, shapes, colours, that they cannot begin to comprehend but can imagine based on what they hear or touch or smell or taste.
No, if they live in an isolated community of blind people who have never known the sense of sight. They will live their entire lives not knowing that there is such a sense and they may well have heightened senses of hearing, touch, smell and taste, but they will never know the difference between red and green. The difference between a red nectarine and a green pear. It may smell different, taste different, but they will never know that it also looks different.
Will they ever know that the rainbow occurs in the sky? They cannot see it, and it is beyond their other senses to perceive it as well, since they cannot touch, smell, and taste or hear it either!
My banana story:
I used to detest bananas. When I was young, my mother force-fed me bananas because “they’re good for you”. Bananas virtually everyday. I believed in the yuckiness of bananas. I much prefer crunchy and juicy fruits e.g. apples, to mushy fruits like banana. Maybe some of you may have the same loathing for broccoli! Just a taste and texture thing, you know? So, in this case, the banana is my mother’s meat, but my poison…and maybe broccoli is my meat but your poison.
When I first moved out, boy, the freedom of choice! I did my own grocery shopping and didn’t give banana a second glance.
But, the story doesn’t end there. I now like bananas! So then you may ask, why would I change my mind? On a whim? My tastebuds have not malfunctioned, but I reckon it is a matter of preferences and priorities.
I have known since young that bananas are nutritious, lots of potassium and other healthy stuff. That information was not the revelation that changed my worldview of the banana. No, it had always been drilled into my brain that bananas are good. However, knowing that fact in my mind but also knowing that my oral senses didn’t like the sensation of the banana, the nutritional value somehow didn’t appeal to the young me. My priorities definitely valued taste above nutrition.
Now, if you ask me whether I prefer apples or bananas, all things being equal, I will still pick an apple over a banana. My preferences have not changed, as nutritionally they are both still good.
The knowledge in my mind and my taste preferences have not changed, but my priorities have changed. I now place nutritional value above the pleasing taste and texture criteria. And as I broaden my diet to include bananas, it does not mean that I give up apples, and it does not mean that I must now eat bananas everyday (as advocated by my mother). It just means that I know why I choose to eat bananas. And to my pleasant surprise I find that bananas are not as icky as those from my childhood memories, which were coloured by prejudice. And I get fewer cramps in my feet now because of the added potassium in my diet. Maybe mother was right after all, and I am forced to admit it in this particular matter.
Though my process of discovering the joys of banana-eating was lengthier than most people, I have learned a lot of truth from this, about growing and accepting change, and finding out why I like or dislike something. Of comparing different priorities and ranking them. Of making choices based on my values, and evaluating whether the values that I place on the priorities are valid or not. Of understanding and accepting who I am, and why I choose certain things. And also realizing that I may not know everything and acknowledging that what I think I know may not always be cast in stone. Of continually striving to keep learning more about life and not be complacent in my ignorance.
In my opinion, humility is often sadly overlooked in our society. Yet, knowledge is quite prized in some circles, for example, at university. But can one acquire knowledge without humility? Most people don’t even think these values are connected.
I believe knowledge without humility leads to pride. And in our post-modern progressive society, there are many great advances in technology and various fields of endeavour, which gives us all a great sense of pride. In a good way, you will say, and I agree to a certain extent.
The fruits of our labour. The triumphs of human achievement.
However, a wise man once said that the more he learned, the more he realized he did not know.
Pride goes before a fall. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.
There is so much more out there. The unknown unknowns.
Can we know the unknown? Is the truth out there? You might even discover that there are unknown knowns in your life. Things you thought you knew, but didn’t actually know. Like the meaning of love.
You may be like the blind man who ventures out of the blind community for the first time, encountering strange new things, ideas, concepts. Might even get healed and gain the sense of sight! So this thing about growing in life, it’s just a matter of priorities, isn’t it?
By the way, some things that the writer enjoys are watching soccer, learning, talking to God, music, talking about the meaning of life with truth-seekers, sleeping, testing the truth in the Bible, star-gazing and eating. But not in that order of priority, of course.
fragrance
Fragrance
From the sweet smells of frangipani,
Lavendar, rose and jasmine,
To the comfort smells of coffee,
Clean linen and mum’s kitchen.
From the controversial durian
And pungent tang of blue cheese
To the salty fresh sea breeze
And crisp winter pine trees.
It’s the aroma of love:
Simple, secure and good
Or complex, exotic, mysterious
Beautiful fragrance invites.
2 Cor 2:14-16
From the sweet smells of frangipani,
Lavendar, rose and jasmine,
To the comfort smells of coffee,
Clean linen and mum’s kitchen.
From the controversial durian
And pungent tang of blue cheese
To the salty fresh sea breeze
And crisp winter pine trees.
It’s the aroma of love:
Simple, secure and good
Or complex, exotic, mysterious
Beautiful fragrance invites.
2 Cor 2:14-16
Home
Dear hearts, my family in Christ,
Home is where the heart is
But what if the heart has never known a happy home?
Your open hearts opened a way
Opened a warm home to a cold heart
Shared your food with a hungry soul
Sanctuary is where God’s heart is
Where wounded spirits seek a refuge
Where restless hearts find a haven
Where the prisoner finds freedom
Where the hurting find healing
Where the grieving find solace
Where the poor find abundance
Where the prodigal finds an embrace
Where the stranger is called a friend
Where beggars become princes
Where love is manifest
Throw open your cheerful doors
That many may come and find
Mercy in guise of generous hospitality
Grace cloaked in human form
Welcoming compassion
Learning what home is
Experiencing unconditional acceptance
Love is in action
Helping hands, happy hearts
Beautiful smiles, inspiring words,
Freely received, freely give!
Knowing what home is
It’s an assurance of everlasting joy
So this traveller refreshed,
continues walking, hoping:
Beyond the Via Dolorosa,
Home is but a heartbeat away.
Thank you dear succourers,
You showed me what home is,
And what it can be and will be.
A prayer of blessing on your homes, that your kindness and generosity will overflow and many more will be blessed through you.
And I pray also for those dear to you who have yet to commit their hearts to the assurance of the eternal home we have in Christ Jesus.
2 Cor 9:12-15
1 Thes 1:2-3
1 Pet 4:7-11
Heb 13:1-3
Matt 25:31-40
Home is where the heart is
But what if the heart has never known a happy home?
Your open hearts opened a way
Opened a warm home to a cold heart
Shared your food with a hungry soul
Sanctuary is where God’s heart is
Where wounded spirits seek a refuge
Where restless hearts find a haven
Where the prisoner finds freedom
Where the hurting find healing
Where the grieving find solace
Where the poor find abundance
Where the prodigal finds an embrace
Where the stranger is called a friend
Where beggars become princes
Where love is manifest
Throw open your cheerful doors
That many may come and find
Mercy in guise of generous hospitality
Grace cloaked in human form
Welcoming compassion
Learning what home is
Experiencing unconditional acceptance
Love is in action
Helping hands, happy hearts
Beautiful smiles, inspiring words,
Freely received, freely give!
Knowing what home is
It’s an assurance of everlasting joy
So this traveller refreshed,
continues walking, hoping:
Beyond the Via Dolorosa,
Home is but a heartbeat away.
Thank you dear succourers,
You showed me what home is,
And what it can be and will be.
A prayer of blessing on your homes, that your kindness and generosity will overflow and many more will be blessed through you.
And I pray also for those dear to you who have yet to commit their hearts to the assurance of the eternal home we have in Christ Jesus.
2 Cor 9:12-15
1 Thes 1:2-3
1 Pet 4:7-11
Heb 13:1-3
Matt 25:31-40
Words are like seeds
Words are like seeds.
Latent potential.
Some seeds are dried. Some seeds are in the wrong place.
Some seeds are planted deep.
Some seeds are germinating.
Some seeds grow into beautiful trees.
And some seeds actually bear fruit, and bring forth more seeds.
Love is the essence of life.
And in the seed of faith, I find you.
Word who became flesh.
I am yours.
So plant me in your word, Holy Spirit.
I believe.
As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.
Speak, Word, and live in me, through me.
Your seed planted in me. My delight is in the law of the Lord, and on your law I meditate day and night. I am like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever I do prospers. For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.
J’adore Jesu.
Latent potential.
Some seeds are dried. Some seeds are in the wrong place.
Some seeds are planted deep.
Some seeds are germinating.
Some seeds grow into beautiful trees.
And some seeds actually bear fruit, and bring forth more seeds.
Love is the essence of life.
And in the seed of faith, I find you.
Word who became flesh.
I am yours.
So plant me in your word, Holy Spirit.
I believe.
As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.
Speak, Word, and live in me, through me.
Your seed planted in me. My delight is in the law of the Lord, and on your law I meditate day and night. I am like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever I do prospers. For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.
J’adore Jesu.
the wretch
The Wretch
Parts of me lie dormant
I blush to say:
I’m blessed with many talents
Yet the left-brain’s dominant
And sad to say
My abilities lay latent
While the creative juices – frozen!
Life’s been tough
I’ve had it rough
It’s hard to laugh
Seen too much stuff
(Can’t face it - cow)
had more than enough!
Trained, rational
Conscientious, analytical
Logical intellectual
But still the craziness
Keeps oozing, seeping…
Chaos and messiness
Is slopping – spilling…
I have mood swings
Pendulum like extremes
Big-ego pride
But real tears I’ve cried
Temperamental
Sentimental
Oversensitive, perfectionist
Conflicted wretch!
The freeze thaws,
Icyness melts…
Springs of living water well up
Gush out
My cup overflows…
Life’s still stuffed
Still have it rough
But now I laugh
No matter how tough
(I’ll face it now)
He’s more than enough!
John 4:13-15
You know the story of how some people see the cup as half empty and some people see the cup as half full?
Well, I am choosing to have God fill my cup until overflowing. I don’t want to sip and hope that the little drops will quench me till the next sip. I don’t want to pretend that the half-filled cup is good enough. I want more than enough, until there is so much that I have to give it away and I learn to expand my capacity because the outpouring from God is more than I can contain.
Parts of me lie dormant
I blush to say:
I’m blessed with many talents
Yet the left-brain’s dominant
And sad to say
My abilities lay latent
While the creative juices – frozen!
Life’s been tough
I’ve had it rough
It’s hard to laugh
Seen too much stuff
(Can’t face it - cow)
had more than enough!
Trained, rational
Conscientious, analytical
Logical intellectual
But still the craziness
Keeps oozing, seeping…
Chaos and messiness
Is slopping – spilling…
I have mood swings
Pendulum like extremes
Big-ego pride
But real tears I’ve cried
Temperamental
Sentimental
Oversensitive, perfectionist
Conflicted wretch!
The freeze thaws,
Icyness melts…
Springs of living water well up
Gush out
My cup overflows…
Life’s still stuffed
Still have it rough
But now I laugh
No matter how tough
(I’ll face it now)
He’s more than enough!
John 4:13-15
You know the story of how some people see the cup as half empty and some people see the cup as half full?
Well, I am choosing to have God fill my cup until overflowing. I don’t want to sip and hope that the little drops will quench me till the next sip. I don’t want to pretend that the half-filled cup is good enough. I want more than enough, until there is so much that I have to give it away and I learn to expand my capacity because the outpouring from God is more than I can contain.
Broken hearted grace
A broken spirit and contrite heart O Lord, you will not despise.
Broken Hearted Grace
Don’t!
sing to me about amazing,
Don’t!
preach to me about grace.
You whitewashed tombs!
There are sheep without a shepherd.
Show me! Eliza Dolittle said,
Where is the love? ask the Black Eyed Peas.
Are my eyes at fault?
‘Cos I can’t see
Where is the light?
Just can’t taste the salt
But for the sea
Of tears I’ve cried.
We’re sheep without a shepherd.
Too many broken hearts
Too many crushed souls
Harassed helpless
Lost inside the catacombs
Amidst the temple maze
They’re sheep without a shepherd.
Jesus the good Shepherd says:
Do you truly love me more than these?
Feed my lambs.
Do you truly love me?
Take care of my sheep.
Do you love me?
Feed my sheep.
My broken-hearted Shepherd,
You know all things,
You know that I love you.
Search my heart,
Lead me that I may follow
Your broken-hearted grace.
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
Broken Hearted Grace
Don’t!
sing to me about amazing,
Don’t!
preach to me about grace.
You whitewashed tombs!
There are sheep without a shepherd.
Show me! Eliza Dolittle said,
Where is the love? ask the Black Eyed Peas.
Are my eyes at fault?
‘Cos I can’t see
Where is the light?
Just can’t taste the salt
But for the sea
Of tears I’ve cried.
We’re sheep without a shepherd.
Too many broken hearts
Too many crushed souls
Harassed helpless
Lost inside the catacombs
Amidst the temple maze
They’re sheep without a shepherd.
Jesus the good Shepherd says:
Do you truly love me more than these?
Feed my lambs.
Do you truly love me?
Take care of my sheep.
Do you love me?
Feed my sheep.
My broken-hearted Shepherd,
You know all things,
You know that I love you.
Search my heart,
Lead me that I may follow
Your broken-hearted grace.
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
colossians 3
Colossians 3
1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Christ… all…
He is firstly Creator,
then Saviour,
then Shepherd, Lord, Master, King, Priest/Intercessor and Friend.
For me, with me, in me and through me…
For me…
Though I was previously a coward, a wretched and wicked sinner, and though I fear His Almighty and Righteous judgement, I have been saved by grace and am justified by faith in the sacrifice of the sinless Jesus in God’s marvellous plan of redemption.
Though I was previously in despair and had no future because I could never measure up to the perfect standard of a holy God, I now have the hope of salvation that I will one day be made perfect in Him.
With me….
though I was previously in the darkness, in the world, tossed by the waves of the sea of false teaching and confusion of the world, I now have a safe harbour, a strong tower of refuge, and my foundation is no longer sinking sand, but a firm rock.
Though I was previously lost in the wilderness, without a guide, now I have a Shepherd who leads me through quiet waters and green pastures, and his rod and staff comfort me, and I know that He is the good shepherd who lay down his life for me, and found me when I was lost, and I am now safe from the thief who seeks only to steal, kill and destroy.
Though I was previously alone and an alien, I am now part of a family that will never end, and my Creator is no longer a distant God, I know I have been redeemed into an inheritance and access into the most intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus the perfect sacrifice and the firstborn. And one day, I will be at home with my heavenly family as Jesus has promised that he is preparing many rooms for us.
Though I was previously in darkness, blind and lost, without a destination, I am now guided by his Light. I know he is the only way to go to the Father, though it is the narrow way, and as I journey through this world I know that I am only a sojourner on my way home.
Though I used to toil for my meaningless existence and my days were seeking in vain for purpose and to seek righteousness, I now have a Master who calls all who are weary to follow him for his yoke is light and his burden is easy.
And though he is my Master, he has also called me Friend, for a servant does not know his master’s business, but Jesus has revealed to me, his Heart, his plans, and included me in the destiny of his kingdom.
In me…
Though I was the worst of sinners, he loved me before I even knew him, and he saved me from my sin to show his great love. He gave me a new identity, a new life, a new heart, a new Master, freedom from slavery to sin, a new purpose, a new hope…
and he showed me the way to love, for he is love, and he showed me the way to righteousness, for he is perfect. He showed me how to be a servant, for he was a servant.
He is my sustenance, for He is the bread of life, and living water and he is sweet as honey.
He gives me abundance, for he has riches beyond imagination, and he says that even the splendour of Solomon could not compare with the lilies of the field, and he promises that I am much more precious than them, so I know he cares for me, and will supply all my needs.
He gives me power, for when I am weak, then he is strong.
I am renewed daily by His word which is Truth, and His Spirit which is the breath of life. Everything in me is as a sacrifice of thanksgiving and worship to my God.
He is in me as I train to run the race to win the crowns for which I have been called. He is in me as I work in the fields for His harvest. He is in me as I wear the armour of God to fight in the battle.
He is in me… and though I struggle to obey His will, he enables me to put off the old self with old sinful habits and ways for I am a new creation in him.
His spirit is in me, and I am in Him, for He is the vine and I am a branch connected to him, and in Him I will bear fruit, much fruit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Even as the psalmist longed to dwell in the house of the Lord forever, my body is now the temple of God and he dwells in me. And I am to be holy as he is holy.
My mind is renewed in him, for he has not given me a spirit of fear or timidity but of power, love, self-discipline, sound mind. I am reborn so that I may be like him, not captive to the false and hollow deceptive philosophies of the world, but transformed to understand the will and heart of God.
Through me….
I am His ambassador, I am his witness, I am a part of the Body of Christ.
I pray that the world sees me, and Christ in me, and through me, they see Christ.
Through me may the love of Christ flow,
may the nations be blessed, starting with my neighbour.
Through me, may the body of Christ be encouraged, built up, strengthened, discipled, matured and united.
Through me may the glory of God be revealed to the praise of the Father.
Through me, may God’s peace be revealed to others for he gives not as the world gives, but those whose minds are set on him will have perfect peace.
Through me, may others know wisdom, for the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Through me may God’s kingdom in heaven come to earth.
Through me may you be blessed.
1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Christ… all…
He is firstly Creator,
then Saviour,
then Shepherd, Lord, Master, King, Priest/Intercessor and Friend.
For me, with me, in me and through me…
For me…
Though I was previously a coward, a wretched and wicked sinner, and though I fear His Almighty and Righteous judgement, I have been saved by grace and am justified by faith in the sacrifice of the sinless Jesus in God’s marvellous plan of redemption.
Though I was previously in despair and had no future because I could never measure up to the perfect standard of a holy God, I now have the hope of salvation that I will one day be made perfect in Him.
With me….
though I was previously in the darkness, in the world, tossed by the waves of the sea of false teaching and confusion of the world, I now have a safe harbour, a strong tower of refuge, and my foundation is no longer sinking sand, but a firm rock.
Though I was previously lost in the wilderness, without a guide, now I have a Shepherd who leads me through quiet waters and green pastures, and his rod and staff comfort me, and I know that He is the good shepherd who lay down his life for me, and found me when I was lost, and I am now safe from the thief who seeks only to steal, kill and destroy.
Though I was previously alone and an alien, I am now part of a family that will never end, and my Creator is no longer a distant God, I know I have been redeemed into an inheritance and access into the most intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus the perfect sacrifice and the firstborn. And one day, I will be at home with my heavenly family as Jesus has promised that he is preparing many rooms for us.
Though I was previously in darkness, blind and lost, without a destination, I am now guided by his Light. I know he is the only way to go to the Father, though it is the narrow way, and as I journey through this world I know that I am only a sojourner on my way home.
Though I used to toil for my meaningless existence and my days were seeking in vain for purpose and to seek righteousness, I now have a Master who calls all who are weary to follow him for his yoke is light and his burden is easy.
And though he is my Master, he has also called me Friend, for a servant does not know his master’s business, but Jesus has revealed to me, his Heart, his plans, and included me in the destiny of his kingdom.
In me…
Though I was the worst of sinners, he loved me before I even knew him, and he saved me from my sin to show his great love. He gave me a new identity, a new life, a new heart, a new Master, freedom from slavery to sin, a new purpose, a new hope…
and he showed me the way to love, for he is love, and he showed me the way to righteousness, for he is perfect. He showed me how to be a servant, for he was a servant.
He is my sustenance, for He is the bread of life, and living water and he is sweet as honey.
He gives me abundance, for he has riches beyond imagination, and he says that even the splendour of Solomon could not compare with the lilies of the field, and he promises that I am much more precious than them, so I know he cares for me, and will supply all my needs.
He gives me power, for when I am weak, then he is strong.
I am renewed daily by His word which is Truth, and His Spirit which is the breath of life. Everything in me is as a sacrifice of thanksgiving and worship to my God.
He is in me as I train to run the race to win the crowns for which I have been called. He is in me as I work in the fields for His harvest. He is in me as I wear the armour of God to fight in the battle.
He is in me… and though I struggle to obey His will, he enables me to put off the old self with old sinful habits and ways for I am a new creation in him.
His spirit is in me, and I am in Him, for He is the vine and I am a branch connected to him, and in Him I will bear fruit, much fruit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Even as the psalmist longed to dwell in the house of the Lord forever, my body is now the temple of God and he dwells in me. And I am to be holy as he is holy.
My mind is renewed in him, for he has not given me a spirit of fear or timidity but of power, love, self-discipline, sound mind. I am reborn so that I may be like him, not captive to the false and hollow deceptive philosophies of the world, but transformed to understand the will and heart of God.
Through me….
I am His ambassador, I am his witness, I am a part of the Body of Christ.
I pray that the world sees me, and Christ in me, and through me, they see Christ.
Through me may the love of Christ flow,
may the nations be blessed, starting with my neighbour.
Through me, may the body of Christ be encouraged, built up, strengthened, discipled, matured and united.
Through me may the glory of God be revealed to the praise of the Father.
Through me, may God’s peace be revealed to others for he gives not as the world gives, but those whose minds are set on him will have perfect peace.
Through me, may others know wisdom, for the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Through me may God’s kingdom in heaven come to earth.
Through me may you be blessed.
Just sharing a little bit about my journey with Jesus…
Just sharing a little bit about my journey with Jesus…
A few years ago, I thought of 3 words that would guide me in how I live my life…Focus, Courage and Connect.
I want to focus first and foremost on Jesus, the Cross, his grace and love, his truth and His kingdom. I sometimes get distracted, I guess most of us do from time to time. And I think maybe when we get older, we have more things to distract us. People can lose focus of what really matters. Some people who were passionate lose their zest for him. They forget their first love. And I want to never ever lose focus. Not even for a day, or an hour. I know it’s impossible to be that focussed, but I wanna try. And I know that it is not by my own strength or concentration or willpower that I do it, but by his faithfulness, for he is my strong tower, and there’s an old song that’s very meaningful for me, because it says “Abba Father, let me be yours and yours alone. Never let my heart grow cold, never let me go.” It reminds me that even when I stray, it is God the shepherd who leads me back to the right path. It is his hand that holds me fast, even when I feel like I’m tossed by the wind.
And when I focus on Christ, then the world grows dimmer…though I still struggle with the temptations of the world, I gain the kingdom perspective. “He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world.”
I also want to focus upward instead of inward. I have often struggled with pride. I have a big ego. I think too much about myself. People usually think of pride as thinking too highly of oneself. A bible study leader once helped me to realise that pride is just “I” in the centre. And when we think too much about our self, that’s pride. Even if it’s the opposite view of thinking of ourselves as being too useless and good-for-nothing. When we look at our own inadequacies and failures, or our strengths and talents without seeing it from God’s perspective. When we think that God is not able to use us in our weak areas. Or when we think that God should use us in certain areas that we feel good in. Whether it is relying on ourself when things are going well, or when we refuse to hand it over to God when things are not going well. They are both prideful attitudes.
Some aspects of my personality, such as stubbornness and an independent/rebellious streak always hinders me in focussing on him. I know this weakness is still there, because the moment I think that I’ve overcome it, will be the moment that I have false humility again. Yet I am encouraged by Paul’s confession “For when I am weak then I am strong”.
I have a lot of desires. I’m probably a pretty ambitious person compared to the average person. I’m not sure if it’s innate or if it was my environment that has shaped this aspect of me. I’m competitive, I like to win. I get very envious of others who are doing better than myself. I love the feeling of being on top. And to be honest, I was and still am the kind of person who’s not bothered if others get hurt. I can be very cold and cruel. Yet when I get to know the heart of Jesus more and more, then I’m challenged to be more like Him. And his Spirit works in me to have compassion, even though there are times when I still think “Who cares?” The Bible also inspires me because it’s so full of real people. For example, Paul, who persecuted the followers of Christ before he himself became a follower. I can identify with that, and whenever Satan attacks me by saying that I can never change, and when fear seizes me with thoughts of my sinfulness and that my salvation might not be “real”, I focus on the cross, and the power of Christ. For doubting my salvation is doubting his power to overcome sin and death. There’s no sin too terrible, no sinner too wretched. Satan has already lost the war. And though I still face battles, they are winnable, when I focus on the victory at the cross and the empty tomb. That though His Spirit convicts us of our sin, and as we know Him more and more, we become more sensitive to his promptings, we are also freed from the guilt that Satan uses as a weapon to immobilise us from living a victorious life. (Romans 8 There is now no condemnation…)
Another side of me is my perfectionist attitude. Of wanting the best, of having high expectations. It’s probably not a bad thing in itself, as I have realised that people around me who settle for second best lose out. They may not realise that there’s more to life than just this life. From young I’ve always longed for perfection, and with that yearning, I’ve also realised that: one, this world, including myself, is not perfect; and two, this desire for perfection in me must come from someone who is perfect, that is, God. So this desire for perfection and all that is good and beautiful motivates me to search for that ideal. Yet it also distressed and depressed me greatly because it was the work of my conscience in comparing the perfect standard of the Law (though I didn’t know it by that name then) to condemn my shortcomings, my sin. I do pity those who don’t have this urge in them to seek perfection, because in my case, it was how God got my attention. When people don’t seem to understand that self-help will never work, because on our own, we can never reach that level of perfection. Many are seduced, lured by this falsehood, and lulled into a false sense of hope, and optimism. From my observation, even many who claim to follow Christ have never felt that sense of despair of their own helplessness. They seem to have only chosen the best option, rather than the only option. And that though it may sometimes appear at the start that we choose to seek God, that in reality, He first chose us. That we could never have believed in the gospel of Christ if His Spirit had not convicted each one of his wretchedness in sin. And so I pray for those who don’t see the need for repentance, for they are self-sufficient, and in that contentment of their own “goodness” they miss out.
The down side of this striving for perfection is that, I too often fall back into a legalistic mindset. I become critical and have a harsh judgemental attitude. I also do a lot of comparing, and when I seem better than others, I get proud, and when I seem worse than others, I get upset. And even when I think that I’m doing OK, deep down I know that it’s not good enough. And again, the temptation to give up as things seem hopeless and difficult on the journey is quite real. And that’s why I need to focus again on the wonderful reality of God’s promises and His character. And to deepen my understanding of God’s grace, because I myself am so lacking in this quality toward others.
However, focussing on God is all well and good, but there’s also a trap that I’ve faced in that I start thinking that this great personal relationship between Jesus and me is a special private one. Because nobody understands me the way Jesus does. I just want him to myself. When people don’t understand how important he is to me, I keep it a secret. That way, they don’t make fun of my Jesus relationship. Even people in church don’t experience him the same way I do. And because I have been hurt by people in church in the past, I’ll just stick to Jesus who is perfect and will never hurt me. I want to just go somewhere far away and be like a monk/nun and just contemplate the beauty of the Lord in his temple all the days of my life. Anything wrong with that?
Is this a selfish desire? As I l travel along my journey in life, I have done that. I thought having God was enough. I was saved, and God loves me. I didn’t need other Christians, because they’re not god, and they’re not perfect, they don’t understand me, they’ve got annoying personalities, and sometimes I disagree with them. I see their weaknesses and sinfulness and it makes me stumble. Better to just focus on God and avoid the messiness of the world, including other believers.
Just Jesus and me. I even wished that I could die quickly, cos there’s nothing to live for in this world. It’s a sinful world that’s going to be destroyed and we’re getting a new heaven and new earth anyway. But gradually I realised that God wants to mould us to be more Christ-like, so we’re on earth to go through trials and training. So then I thought OK, just grin and bear it. Think positively of the difficulties as a blessing in disguise because God uses them to make us pure like gold in the refiner’s fire.
So even though focussing on God is the most important thing, it is not the only thing. Getting to know Jesus more means getting to know what makes him happy, and loving him means doing what makes him happy. It’s all well and good to want to know about him more by reading the Bible, and deepening our relationship by talking to him often, but the difficult thing is that I also need to learn to listen to him more and after listening, to obey. Again, this is His Spirit working through various ways, be it the Bible, circumstances, other people (even if they’re annoying!).
And when He speaks, I need to take heart. Courage comes from the Old French “corage” which comes from the Latin “cor” which means heart. I need to have heart. I am the very opposite of that. I have many many fears. I honestly consider myself a coward. I also lack heart in that I don’t have enough love. And I believe the two are linked. Love overcomes fear. 1 John 4.
I need to connect with people. Both Christians and non-Christians. I used to challenge my mother when she told me “No man is an island”. I didn’t believe her, wanted to prove her wrong. To me, it was about asserting my individuality and independence. I’ve always felt like an outsider, I’m too different. Nobody understands me, and nobody is quite like me. I wasn’t a loner, I had a circle of “friends” at school, and church, but the relationships were very superficial. Or at least it felt shallow to me. I couldn’t voice my innermost thoughts, opinions or ideas. I felt like an alien n many ways, people didn’t have the same interests, desires, values. It’s also very hard for me to connect because I give up easily. I don’t really have the dedication that some people have in investing in relationships. When I was growing up, I observed that my parents, especially my mother, didn’t have any friends. And so, the social aspect of life was de-emphasised in my upbringing. I have few friends, and I am a friend to very few people. Or at least what I consider a friend. It may well be that there are more people who care for me than I realise. I have little faith in humanity. And when I meet a person who is what I look for in a friend, I’m always amazed at God’s mercy and providence. Sometimes I wish I could get closer to someone, but usually it doesn’t happen because of various reasons. Maybe I value the friendship more than the other person, so they have other higher priorities, eg. Other friends or family, and/or that they are not interested in deep relationships.
Yet all this comes from my own perspective of relationships and connecting. But when I get to know God more through His word, I realise that I need to have a kingdom perspective of relationships. That it’s not about me and what I can get out of a relationship, rather, it’s about obedience and servanthood, about giving, encouraging and blessing others. Of building up God’s church, and being an ambassador for Christ. And it’s about love in action. I could sit on a mountain and ponder all the mysteries of God, but my faith would be dead. I would not be bearing fruit. And even as I strive to become more Christ-like, to develop myself, it must also have an impact to people around me, like salt in food. Connecting means I am a tool of God. Mother Teresa said she was like a pencil that God’s hand holds to write. How can a lamp be hidden under the bed? I mustn’t be afraid of the ridicule of people, even though I think it would hurt me more if they mocked my beloved Saviour than me. He himself bore the insults and false accusations for the sake of those same people, souls that are condemned by sin to the punishment of death. I was one of those, but Jesus loved me even before I knew him, and I need to see all others through Jesus eyes. No matter how annoying, loathsome or undeserving. For there is none who is deserving.
And through the body of Christ, I have learned many things, even though sometimes the individuals are still very trying (like any normal family, the family of Christ has its quirky characters and trying personalities too!) I have also learned not to despise the weaknesses in others, for it is through them that God can reveal His strength. I can see how real God is through the lives of fellow believers as we all walk through our days together. So even when I feel other Christians are letting me down, I need to forgive and love them for that is how the world knows that we are followers of Christ, through the love we have for one another. How important is that! We are the testimony of Christ, the walking, talking display and proof of His love for mankind. When I connect, I can also be an encouragement to others who are struggling in their journey, and to remind those who are sleeping to wake up.
To conclude, I still have much to learn in being bold, in reaching out and loving the unlovable, in trusting the Lord to work through me, and looking to Him always, my source and my goal. He is the reason for my being, and the reason I live is Christ. Not just existing in the dreary existence that this world tries to deceive us with, but to live an abundant life, of training to run the greatest race ever, of sowing, watering and harvesting the greatest field ever, throwing in my net and catching the most valuable fish, and equipping myself for the greatest fight ever. This is life, this is becoming a disciple of Christ, the greatest Master ever. And at the end of it, I am assured of the promise of the best party ever and the greatest rest ever. God is good. Hallelujah!
I’ve been getting a lot of messages about standing firm lately. And it is always a good reminder to keep alert and to press on.
There’s a song Pass It On that exhorts us to keep the flame burning. Let your flame not grow low, let it burn bright, and keep adding oil to your lamp, for we do not know when the groom will come, but the parable of the ten virgins is a message to stand firm. to be watchful and yearning for the day of the Lord that will surely come soon.
A few years ago, I thought of 3 words that would guide me in how I live my life…Focus, Courage and Connect.
I want to focus first and foremost on Jesus, the Cross, his grace and love, his truth and His kingdom. I sometimes get distracted, I guess most of us do from time to time. And I think maybe when we get older, we have more things to distract us. People can lose focus of what really matters. Some people who were passionate lose their zest for him. They forget their first love. And I want to never ever lose focus. Not even for a day, or an hour. I know it’s impossible to be that focussed, but I wanna try. And I know that it is not by my own strength or concentration or willpower that I do it, but by his faithfulness, for he is my strong tower, and there’s an old song that’s very meaningful for me, because it says “Abba Father, let me be yours and yours alone. Never let my heart grow cold, never let me go.” It reminds me that even when I stray, it is God the shepherd who leads me back to the right path. It is his hand that holds me fast, even when I feel like I’m tossed by the wind.
And when I focus on Christ, then the world grows dimmer…though I still struggle with the temptations of the world, I gain the kingdom perspective. “He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world.”
I also want to focus upward instead of inward. I have often struggled with pride. I have a big ego. I think too much about myself. People usually think of pride as thinking too highly of oneself. A bible study leader once helped me to realise that pride is just “I” in the centre. And when we think too much about our self, that’s pride. Even if it’s the opposite view of thinking of ourselves as being too useless and good-for-nothing. When we look at our own inadequacies and failures, or our strengths and talents without seeing it from God’s perspective. When we think that God is not able to use us in our weak areas. Or when we think that God should use us in certain areas that we feel good in. Whether it is relying on ourself when things are going well, or when we refuse to hand it over to God when things are not going well. They are both prideful attitudes.
Some aspects of my personality, such as stubbornness and an independent/rebellious streak always hinders me in focussing on him. I know this weakness is still there, because the moment I think that I’ve overcome it, will be the moment that I have false humility again. Yet I am encouraged by Paul’s confession “For when I am weak then I am strong”.
I have a lot of desires. I’m probably a pretty ambitious person compared to the average person. I’m not sure if it’s innate or if it was my environment that has shaped this aspect of me. I’m competitive, I like to win. I get very envious of others who are doing better than myself. I love the feeling of being on top. And to be honest, I was and still am the kind of person who’s not bothered if others get hurt. I can be very cold and cruel. Yet when I get to know the heart of Jesus more and more, then I’m challenged to be more like Him. And his Spirit works in me to have compassion, even though there are times when I still think “Who cares?” The Bible also inspires me because it’s so full of real people. For example, Paul, who persecuted the followers of Christ before he himself became a follower. I can identify with that, and whenever Satan attacks me by saying that I can never change, and when fear seizes me with thoughts of my sinfulness and that my salvation might not be “real”, I focus on the cross, and the power of Christ. For doubting my salvation is doubting his power to overcome sin and death. There’s no sin too terrible, no sinner too wretched. Satan has already lost the war. And though I still face battles, they are winnable, when I focus on the victory at the cross and the empty tomb. That though His Spirit convicts us of our sin, and as we know Him more and more, we become more sensitive to his promptings, we are also freed from the guilt that Satan uses as a weapon to immobilise us from living a victorious life. (Romans 8 There is now no condemnation…)
Another side of me is my perfectionist attitude. Of wanting the best, of having high expectations. It’s probably not a bad thing in itself, as I have realised that people around me who settle for second best lose out. They may not realise that there’s more to life than just this life. From young I’ve always longed for perfection, and with that yearning, I’ve also realised that: one, this world, including myself, is not perfect; and two, this desire for perfection in me must come from someone who is perfect, that is, God. So this desire for perfection and all that is good and beautiful motivates me to search for that ideal. Yet it also distressed and depressed me greatly because it was the work of my conscience in comparing the perfect standard of the Law (though I didn’t know it by that name then) to condemn my shortcomings, my sin. I do pity those who don’t have this urge in them to seek perfection, because in my case, it was how God got my attention. When people don’t seem to understand that self-help will never work, because on our own, we can never reach that level of perfection. Many are seduced, lured by this falsehood, and lulled into a false sense of hope, and optimism. From my observation, even many who claim to follow Christ have never felt that sense of despair of their own helplessness. They seem to have only chosen the best option, rather than the only option. And that though it may sometimes appear at the start that we choose to seek God, that in reality, He first chose us. That we could never have believed in the gospel of Christ if His Spirit had not convicted each one of his wretchedness in sin. And so I pray for those who don’t see the need for repentance, for they are self-sufficient, and in that contentment of their own “goodness” they miss out.
The down side of this striving for perfection is that, I too often fall back into a legalistic mindset. I become critical and have a harsh judgemental attitude. I also do a lot of comparing, and when I seem better than others, I get proud, and when I seem worse than others, I get upset. And even when I think that I’m doing OK, deep down I know that it’s not good enough. And again, the temptation to give up as things seem hopeless and difficult on the journey is quite real. And that’s why I need to focus again on the wonderful reality of God’s promises and His character. And to deepen my understanding of God’s grace, because I myself am so lacking in this quality toward others.
However, focussing on God is all well and good, but there’s also a trap that I’ve faced in that I start thinking that this great personal relationship between Jesus and me is a special private one. Because nobody understands me the way Jesus does. I just want him to myself. When people don’t understand how important he is to me, I keep it a secret. That way, they don’t make fun of my Jesus relationship. Even people in church don’t experience him the same way I do. And because I have been hurt by people in church in the past, I’ll just stick to Jesus who is perfect and will never hurt me. I want to just go somewhere far away and be like a monk/nun and just contemplate the beauty of the Lord in his temple all the days of my life. Anything wrong with that?
Is this a selfish desire? As I l travel along my journey in life, I have done that. I thought having God was enough. I was saved, and God loves me. I didn’t need other Christians, because they’re not god, and they’re not perfect, they don’t understand me, they’ve got annoying personalities, and sometimes I disagree with them. I see their weaknesses and sinfulness and it makes me stumble. Better to just focus on God and avoid the messiness of the world, including other believers.
Just Jesus and me. I even wished that I could die quickly, cos there’s nothing to live for in this world. It’s a sinful world that’s going to be destroyed and we’re getting a new heaven and new earth anyway. But gradually I realised that God wants to mould us to be more Christ-like, so we’re on earth to go through trials and training. So then I thought OK, just grin and bear it. Think positively of the difficulties as a blessing in disguise because God uses them to make us pure like gold in the refiner’s fire.
So even though focussing on God is the most important thing, it is not the only thing. Getting to know Jesus more means getting to know what makes him happy, and loving him means doing what makes him happy. It’s all well and good to want to know about him more by reading the Bible, and deepening our relationship by talking to him often, but the difficult thing is that I also need to learn to listen to him more and after listening, to obey. Again, this is His Spirit working through various ways, be it the Bible, circumstances, other people (even if they’re annoying!).
And when He speaks, I need to take heart. Courage comes from the Old French “corage” which comes from the Latin “cor” which means heart. I need to have heart. I am the very opposite of that. I have many many fears. I honestly consider myself a coward. I also lack heart in that I don’t have enough love. And I believe the two are linked. Love overcomes fear. 1 John 4.
I need to connect with people. Both Christians and non-Christians. I used to challenge my mother when she told me “No man is an island”. I didn’t believe her, wanted to prove her wrong. To me, it was about asserting my individuality and independence. I’ve always felt like an outsider, I’m too different. Nobody understands me, and nobody is quite like me. I wasn’t a loner, I had a circle of “friends” at school, and church, but the relationships were very superficial. Or at least it felt shallow to me. I couldn’t voice my innermost thoughts, opinions or ideas. I felt like an alien n many ways, people didn’t have the same interests, desires, values. It’s also very hard for me to connect because I give up easily. I don’t really have the dedication that some people have in investing in relationships. When I was growing up, I observed that my parents, especially my mother, didn’t have any friends. And so, the social aspect of life was de-emphasised in my upbringing. I have few friends, and I am a friend to very few people. Or at least what I consider a friend. It may well be that there are more people who care for me than I realise. I have little faith in humanity. And when I meet a person who is what I look for in a friend, I’m always amazed at God’s mercy and providence. Sometimes I wish I could get closer to someone, but usually it doesn’t happen because of various reasons. Maybe I value the friendship more than the other person, so they have other higher priorities, eg. Other friends or family, and/or that they are not interested in deep relationships.
Yet all this comes from my own perspective of relationships and connecting. But when I get to know God more through His word, I realise that I need to have a kingdom perspective of relationships. That it’s not about me and what I can get out of a relationship, rather, it’s about obedience and servanthood, about giving, encouraging and blessing others. Of building up God’s church, and being an ambassador for Christ. And it’s about love in action. I could sit on a mountain and ponder all the mysteries of God, but my faith would be dead. I would not be bearing fruit. And even as I strive to become more Christ-like, to develop myself, it must also have an impact to people around me, like salt in food. Connecting means I am a tool of God. Mother Teresa said she was like a pencil that God’s hand holds to write. How can a lamp be hidden under the bed? I mustn’t be afraid of the ridicule of people, even though I think it would hurt me more if they mocked my beloved Saviour than me. He himself bore the insults and false accusations for the sake of those same people, souls that are condemned by sin to the punishment of death. I was one of those, but Jesus loved me even before I knew him, and I need to see all others through Jesus eyes. No matter how annoying, loathsome or undeserving. For there is none who is deserving.
And through the body of Christ, I have learned many things, even though sometimes the individuals are still very trying (like any normal family, the family of Christ has its quirky characters and trying personalities too!) I have also learned not to despise the weaknesses in others, for it is through them that God can reveal His strength. I can see how real God is through the lives of fellow believers as we all walk through our days together. So even when I feel other Christians are letting me down, I need to forgive and love them for that is how the world knows that we are followers of Christ, through the love we have for one another. How important is that! We are the testimony of Christ, the walking, talking display and proof of His love for mankind. When I connect, I can also be an encouragement to others who are struggling in their journey, and to remind those who are sleeping to wake up.
To conclude, I still have much to learn in being bold, in reaching out and loving the unlovable, in trusting the Lord to work through me, and looking to Him always, my source and my goal. He is the reason for my being, and the reason I live is Christ. Not just existing in the dreary existence that this world tries to deceive us with, but to live an abundant life, of training to run the greatest race ever, of sowing, watering and harvesting the greatest field ever, throwing in my net and catching the most valuable fish, and equipping myself for the greatest fight ever. This is life, this is becoming a disciple of Christ, the greatest Master ever. And at the end of it, I am assured of the promise of the best party ever and the greatest rest ever. God is good. Hallelujah!
I’ve been getting a lot of messages about standing firm lately. And it is always a good reminder to keep alert and to press on.
There’s a song Pass It On that exhorts us to keep the flame burning. Let your flame not grow low, let it burn bright, and keep adding oil to your lamp, for we do not know when the groom will come, but the parable of the ten virgins is a message to stand firm. to be watchful and yearning for the day of the Lord that will surely come soon.
welcome!
2 feb 2009 12:29 arvo
finally, i start a blog!
welcome, my dear reader.
firstly, a warning: you and i may both live to regret some of the things said here, but i am learning to take risks, and be bold.
carpe diem!
my prayer for you:
dear heart, be inspired.
blessings in Christ,
g
finally, i start a blog!
welcome, my dear reader.
firstly, a warning: you and i may both live to regret some of the things said here, but i am learning to take risks, and be bold.
carpe diem!
my prayer for you:
dear heart, be inspired.
blessings in Christ,
g
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