the monster

The Monster Within, and Without

John 21:15-25 &
John 10:1-18 &
Matthew 19:13-14, Mark 10:13-16, Luke 18:15-17
1 John 4, in particular v.18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

One of the most important insights one can have of oneself is to realise that there is a monster within. It’s much easier to recognise the monster without, be it the “ghouls” and “evil spirits” in the dark forest in the ancient times or the strange barbarians from beyond the sea or mountain, to the sex and violence in the secular mass media today or the terrorists from the other side of the fence in our global village.

We are, in essence, weak creatures of fear and blame and guilt.
It is a heart condition known as “sin”. The saying “Pride goes before a fall” is found in the book of Proverbs in the middle of the Bible, but it could just as well have been at the start of the Bible in Genesis, when the fall of Creation happened. (Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall Prov 16:18)

I always wonder at the many people who think that humans are, by nature, good. I am torn between the desire to laugh cynically and to cry earnestly at this pitiful self-deception. In my view, this very insidious untruth is attributable to human pride, plus a healthy dose of encouragement from the prince of lies. The worldly philosophies of liberalism and humanism are very wide-influencing in spreading this “gospel” of self-improvement and striving for the greater good, even perfection. Utopia is within reach; the future of this world is a more beautiful and better place. It even comes under the cover of the name “love”. It’s a warm and fuzzy “feel-good” emotion that seems to always “pet you on the back” and reminds us “you will succeed if you try hard enough”.
Another deceptive philosophy in our world today is the agnosticism/atheism school of thought. Yet interestingly, I find that many people who claim to be agnostic/atheist have substituted the worship of “god” with the worship of “science”!

I am learning from the Pauline epistles (or in plainspeak, letters from Paul in the New Testament) that it is more powerful to testify of the work of the Spirit in my life than to preach about the whats, hows and whys of doing or not doing something. And that is the principle in the old but wise adage of “Teach by showing, learn by doing”.

Pride is the hardest thing to admit to having. It is a thing called “Ego”. Most kids discover it very easily without having to be taught. It’s sometimes very easy to spot. Paul’s pride in his fine Jewish bloodline, education and achievements was very obviously Pride. So too we see that Mr Darcy in the famous novel “Pride and Prejudice” shares this malady. However, sometimes pride is less easily visible. The most timid person around can have pride and not realise it. One of the most profound learnings I have regarding pride is that it is really about “I” in the middle. When your focus is on yourself. Even things like your children can be an extension of that “I” focus, when you are proud of your children because they are better than the other person’s children, it’s really about your own achievement of doing so marvellously well at rearing them!

I am the first to admit that I am very proud. I’m not from a rich family, or particularly distinguished lineage, but I had a lot of pride in my intellect and academic achievements. I know a lot of people around who are like that too, but I won’t criticise them until I’ve confessed my own shortcomings! And even as a Christian, many are very susceptible to pride, because it is spiritual pride of being able to do certain things or avoid certain temptations, and thinking ourselves better than others, be it believers or non-believers.

In fact, the better you are at something, the more likely you are to become proud. But does that mean we aim to under-achieve and aim not to be better? No, that would be another form of pride known as “False humility”. What is this false humility? It is when one thinks or tries to act below others, and not do the best that one can, so that others are not offended or upset. It’s the game of “ Let’s pretend to be humble”. Sometimes even sincere people who want to avoid pride fall into this trap of “false humility”. They may be always deprecating themselves with put-down remarks or not acknowledging genuine praises from others because they don’t want to seem better than others. There’s some guilt associated with this false humility. Of course, there are also very good actors in the world who appear most humble to all and sundry but actually think very highly of themselves. I believe however, that God can see into the heart of each person, so it’s better to come straight and be honest with ourselves and God, than to put up a front or display for people around us.

What’s the antidote for pride then? Is there any way we can avoid it? I believe from what the Bible says that a person who truly seeks God, and after finding God, longs to know God more and more, can avoid pride. Why? Because the very sense of knowing God means that you realise you are nothing, and unworthy to amount to anything compared to the great Almighty God. Everything you have, everything you are, does not belong to you, it came from the Creator. And there are many references to show us that being humble and knowing God is closely correlated. It is also one of the most essential things that God looks for in a man/woman/child who seeks to please him. Learn from the example of Jesus.

Something else that’s closely connected to Pride is Fear. I’ve got so many fears it’s not funny! But the bible tells me that the Fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom, and I for one would like to be wise. Also, the promise of the Holy Spirit is that we no longer have a spirit of fear, but of power and love and sound mind. And the antidote for fear is very powerful, it’s love. Again, we can look at the example of Jesus.

OK, after all that “preaching” I better share something about myself, so that people don’t think of me as “high and mighty” or “holier than thou”. The monster within is the evil me…
Not “mini me”. Just old me. The old me is the sinful me, with lots of pride/self-centredness and fear. Lots of hatred, guilt and blame. Lots of unlove. I am worse than a lot of people. I used to write hate letters to my mother, saying that I wished she were dead, and having rebellion and murder in my heart. Not just my mother, but also my teachers. Basically, people who had authority over me. I’m not saying that I didn’t have “just cause”. If you analyse my situation further, you may have some sympathy or even understand the reasoning I used for the hate I had. But it is no excuse. It is within the power of every human to choose to do right or wrong regardless of what’s been done in the past. That is the freedom that God has given us that we have more often than not, chosen to misuse.

I also have said some very nasty words before… Some in anger, some in envy, some for the pleasure of making someone else feel bad… snide comments and sarcastic remarks used to be quite a trademark of mine. Sometimes too, no matter how unintentional or innocent some words are, if they are let loose without much thought, they can be sometimes even more damaging than carefully chosen nasty words. I have rued many a-phrase that I’ve said callously, though I had no intention to hurt anybody, but because people were sensitive and possible misinterpreted the meanings, and so the end result is that people are hurt. Sometimes it gets to the stage that you don’t even remember saying the words, but the hurt soul remembers them for years after. These days, I try to stop the words from coming out of my mouth, but I still have a lot of “evil” thoughts that I have to confess to God and ask him to keep having patience with me, so that I can learn to be kinder, more loving and forgiving.
Philippians 4 is always such a positive reminder, to only think of the honourable and pure. And of course, the Bible warns against a quick tongue time and time again. (For example James 3). I do realise the power of words. They can be very destructive, but also can be very edifying if we know how to use them lovingly and wisely.

What else? I’ve also had many dark and evil thoughts that nobody knows except God, myself and maybe the devil. That’s why I realise that if I can appear so “ordinary” on the outside yet have such sinfulness, many people out there are probably the same or maybe even worse. Only God knows. When people vehemently deny that they are bad, and keep emphasising they’re own “goodness” I just ignore them. Most people are reasonable enough to say they’re not perfect, acknowledging they have their weaknesses, but they never get to the stage where they think it’s that terrible, so they go about life discounting their own failings, and thinking it’s OK, because everyone else is like that. They are further away from God and true repentance than the sinner who realises his own wickedness and asks for mercy.
(Luke 18:9-14)

I’m learning to build bridges instead of walls, because I love the passage talking about the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:11-21. First of all, my own reconciliation with Christ, then my reconciliation or unity with the other members of the body of Christ and then my ambassadorial duty to reconcile those outside of the kingdom of heaven with Christ.

What about the monster or monsters without? No, their names are neither Osama bin Laden nor George Bush, regardless of how many conspiracy theories there are out there, or even AntiChrist predictions. The media uses the term for people who commit heinous acts like paedophilia and mass murders, but they’re not really monstrous either. They’re sinners, same as you and I, no more and no less. Aha! Maybe the Devil then? Although most “rational” scientific thinking people do not believe in an unseen Evil being anymore, I think that’s just part of his great work at managing to deceive the world of his existence. Yes, I suppose you could say that he is a monster, because a lot of major evils are attributed to him. And he is God’s adversary, because his purpose is to steal, kill and destroy whatever is good and pleasing to God. We must remember though, that Satan hasn’t always been the monster popularly depicted with a fork, a tail and horns. He was a highly-favoured angel of light in heaven before the world was created. But because of pride and rebellion, he was thrown out and received a suspended sentence of eternal damnation. Even today, he is still roaming about like a prowling lion to devour the unsuspecting. And he is pretty good at deception, hence the title “Prince of Lies”. I’ve heard stories of people seeing a vision of Light, sometimes during meditation, sometimes during drug-induced trances, and when they follow it, they somehow become more ensnared in their problems than before. Yet for Christians, we must remember that though we acknowledge that Satan is an opponent of substantial power, and not dismiss the danger off-handedly, we know also that he is already vanquished by the victory earned by Jesus Christ at the cross of Calvary. Jesus has conquered death and the power of sin. We should not be foolhardy but we should not be unduly fearful either. (We are more than conquerors…. Romans 8)

What else? Satan also has another title, which is “Prince of the World”. Therefore, the world we live in is also sinful. The collective hearts of man reflected in society, as well as nature itself, is a consequence of the Fall after Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden. Natural disasters, mobs, worldly philosophies, unjust governments, the longings of man to better themselves as exemplified in the story of the Tower of Babel. Man’s nature comes out the worst at times when we see crises like Hurricane Katrina, where looting was rife. The world is also associated with Money, Power, Ambition, Comfort and Luxury. The glory and the honour of being esteemed by society is very attractive. It is Success with a capital S. Greed. The Bible actually calls Money by the name Mammon. A person chooses which master he will serve, because a person who serves Mammon cannot serve God at the same time. The world is also contrasted with the heavenly kingdom because the world represents everything that is material, temporal and right now in this lifetime. It’s not a monster that is easily identified, yet it’s harder to fight than the mythical monsters of old. It’s like the Sirens singing to the sailor luring him to his death, it’s like the Medusa whose glance would freeze you if you looked in its eyes. It’s not a scary monster, but it is a beast that seems almost too comfortable that we forget the warning not to be friends with it.